Do wonders ever cease?

[MissH]

Mom, I am not in piecing but my thinking is you should wait until you are ready to let him back in the house. Take things slow.

[bright 2 morro]

Mom, I agree with MrsH. You need to be ready, it is up to you now. Follow your heart.

I know this from experience. If you read my thread you will understand. So much has happened over the last week that I was overwhelmed.

My H moved back in today. I know that he is not as progressed as you H. I battled over letting him come back. There are several reasons I did allow him to come back even though to most people it may seem early.

Maybe it is to soon for me and my H but like I said I have several reasons I finally agreed. It ultimately was my decision. The main reason had to do with something the C said to me after talking to him and me seperately. She said that it was his decision and he asked for her opinion. She sees some remorse and potential for us. Based on the fact that he left OW and had no where to go and he sees to be trying. She had me ask one question about my situation. If I did not try would I look back later on and wonder what would have been?

But every situation is different. I am not saying that is the question you should ask. I am just giving an example of what made me decide. Your H seems to more aware than mine is. My H still has questions about how we can work out. He is willing to try though.

I think you need to follow your heart. Maybe there is some sort of way to slowly move into it. Maybe start with weekends at first to get used to it, or a night here or there. Test the waters. This is just a suggestion, not saying you have to do this.

Can I ask you how long you H has been gone? How long was the A and how long he was in MLC?

Sorry for the questions. I am just curious.

Mimi

[momof2girls]

Mimi,
I just asked you the same stuff on MrsH thread!! Funny.
H and I separated in 12/06...week before xmas. He was EA with OW until about mid-January. He said it started about a month before he left.
As far as MLC...I don't think he has been quite right for a couple of years...nothing overt...just different....
He did go off the deep end! Ignored the kids, gave me no financial support and filed for D fast!
I think when he moves back in it has to be all or nothing. My D5 has had a terrible time and I think him spending a night here and there or weekends will confuse her.
I do think the trigger point of the MLC was when my D1 was born in 2/06. My H turned 40 in 5/06...she is his 4th child. He has two sons from his first marriage. I have been very close to the boys all along. I helped raise them.
The whole situation is so fragile right now! How did your kids handle the transitions?

[bright 2 morro]

I did respond to you on Mrs thread. That is so funny.

My kids did not handle it well. He did not handle being without the kids either. I am not sure how we will go. I am hoping that C helps. Even though today was a train wreck (as far as I am concerned). The C told me today that she does not think it is just me, he is not happy with much of his life. She said that she is not giving up hope for us but she can not guarentee anything. She said she has seen worse situations pull out of it.

The kids are having a behavior issues and they play us against each other.

I have to hope things get better.

[momof2girls]

mimi,
My D5 is doing the same thing. She gets very upset when he is not around...cries and wants to know when he is coming home....

[bright 2 morro]

I can understand that. It is so hard for the kids. I am not sure where I will end up with H. Today he is telling me that there is no chance at all for us.

It changes from day to day.

He got angry with me this morning because I asked him how he was.

Mimi

[momof2girls]

If there is no chance for you why did he want to move back home?? Have you considered making him sleep in a different room?? He sounds very angry and the best thing you can do is ignore him when he gets like that.
I also think that you hurt the ones you love the most...it is unfortunate for us but you are his comfort zone even if he is not admitting it.

[bright 2 morro]

Mom,

I have not thought of it that way. Thank you. I do know that I have to think that the anger is not at me (which he told me the other night). He is not staying in my room. He is staying in the spare room. I am not ready to share my bed with him. Maybe someday we can but not now.

I have heard that hurt and love thing before. I have to agree. That is something that i have to keep reminding myself of.

I know that the anger is not about me. The C also told me that I am not his only problem. I also think that this custody thing is a bandaid for happiness.

I actually cut him off of the phone today when he was angry.

I am going to live my life still.

Thank you for the thought about him moving back in. I will think about that.
Mimi

[DadNotQuitting]

Mom,

I just read your post to MrsH's thread from the 11th where you talk about how your husbands spewing was just to push your buttons and that if he got to you, he knew you still cared. And when he saw that it no longer got to you, he began to think about you more and more. This is the stage I'm at right now with my WAW. By that I mean our sitch has been very toxic, and then about two weeks ago, I completely took away the reaction buttons I so readily wore on my sleeve (and chest, forehead, pant legs, butt, back and shoulders).

I have always been easy to get a reaction from, and she knows every button to push. What I found was that for the next week after that, she escalated her button pushing to a new level that was extraordinarily painful to me, telling me about OM intimacy, telling me she wished I would die of a heart attack (both my parents died in their fifties from that) and other really vile stuff. It literally ended up last Friday with police involvement (no violence, just her being petty and stupid - silly me for asking her to return the money she took when she cleaned out our bank accounts).

So seven days ago, I went dark on her. She was informed via a business like, emotion-free email that I will contact kids on S10's cell phone only (so as not to have to call the house line) and that any and all communication with her was to be restricted to email, and only regarding kid and business/finance issues. What a difference, but she still is pushing buttons in other ways, including making sure the kids know things that they will tell me, like her always being on the computer (myspace / match.com), always being on the phone talking to a guy or guys, and other things that quite frankly they shouldn't know about. Yesterday, I picked up my kids at 6:00 and was to bring them back at 8:00, but they got in the car and informed me that mommy was going to pick them up at 10:30, so obviously she's going out, almost certainly with some guy (she has not friends to go out with). Well, she ended up picking them up at 12:30 a.m., no phone call at all, and she didn't answer her cell. Tonight was my very first overnight visit with the kids, and of course she's out again. You get the picture.

This is longer than I hoped it would be, but I'm hoping you can add your perspective and offer me some information. It just seems that the description you provide of your husband's actions mirror what I'm dealing with. And by the way, she did file for divorce four days ago. So now I have that to deal with. If you wish, you could even take a look at my thread, but I warn you, it's moves pretty fast! Even in low drama mode.

Anything you can offer would be appreciated. Thanks!!
DNQ

[DadNotQuitting]

Mom,

I just read your post to MrsH's thread from the 11th where you talk about how your husbands spewing was just to push your buttons and that if he got to you, he knew you still cared. And when he saw that it no longer got to you, he began to think about you more and more. This is the stage I'm at right now with my WAW. By that I mean our sitch has been very toxic, and then about two weeks ago, I completely took away the reaction buttons I so readily wore on my sleeve (and chest, forehead, pant legs, butt, back and shoulders).

I have always been easy to get a reaction from, and she knows every button to push. What I found was that for the next week after that, she escalated her button pushing to a new level that was extraordinarily painful to me, telling me about OM intimacy, telling me she wished I would die of a heart attack (both my parents died in their fifties from that) and other really vile stuff. It literally ended up last Friday with police involvement (no violence, just her being petty and stupid - silly me for asking her to return the money she took when she cleaned out our bank accounts).

So seven days ago, I went dark on her. She was informed via a business like, emotion-free email that I will contact kids on S10's cell phone only (so as not to have to call the house line) and that any and all communication with her was to be restricted to email, and only regarding kid and business/finance issues. What a difference, but she still is pushing buttons in other ways, including making sure the kids know things that they will tell me, like her always being on the computer (myspace / match.com), always being on the phone talking to a guy or guys, and other things that quite frankly they shouldn't know about. Yesterday, I picked up my kids at 6:00 and was to bring them back at 8:00, but they got in the car and informed me that mommy was going to pick them up at 10:30, so obviously she's going out, almost certainly with some guy (she has not friends to go out with). Well, she ended up picking them up at 12:30 a.m., no phone call at all, and she didn't answer her cell. Tonight was my very first overnight visit with the kids, and of course she's out again. You get the picture.

This is longer than I hoped it would be, but I'm hoping you can add your perspective and offer me some information. It just seems that the description you provide of your husband's actions mirror what I'm dealing with. And by the way, she did file for divorce four days ago. So now I have that to deal with. If you wish, you could even take a look at my thread, but I warn you, it's moves pretty fast! Even in low drama mode.

Anything you can offer would be appreciated. Thanks!!
DNQ