Hopeful Happiness

[Keepingthefaith7]

Nicola,

I have been trying to catch up on your thread. You and I are on about the same timeframe as far as when our H's left. It was 2 years for me on June 1.

You sound great and I admire your strength. As I was reading your post many of your thoughts sounded like mine. I too have been looking inside myself since my H left and have been working on needed changes.

I'll check in on you later,

K

[MnSPD]

Nic,

Kind of wierd when it all "clicks" how simple it seems. It is from all of the struggles, anguish and soul searching which brought you this far, that you are reveling in the freedom of detachment. This is a wonderful, yet difficult place. The wonder is in your heart and mind with acceptance of "YOU". The difficulty is maintaining your feelings for stbx if you chose.

You will move forawrd at a brisk pace Nic, you are developing a glow inside. The glow will soon be enhanced to a full blown shine. The shine is your character, the true Nic, emerging from the other side of your H's MLC.

I glanced at your pics from the race festivities of you and your kids. You are no doubt proud of them, they looked like they were having a ball! And you...... spaghetti strap black dress, just below the knee, smiling ever so pretty, sitting in a race car!!!! Somebody throw cold water!!! Hurry!!!

Have a fantastic day!

Steve

[princess_nic]

COG~

Very common, especially among us that have the tendency to want to be in control. It's very healthy that you recognize that, and never too late to change. Your kid's, and future man, will love you for it.

and

Letting go was one of the healthiest things that I had to learn. There is such peace and fulfillment in acceptance. It's so nice to not have to get frustrated if W is moody, or the car won't start, or people don't act like I want them to. I still get a little frustrated sometimes, but NOTHING like I used to.

I think these arelinked, and yes, my life is a LOT less stressful because of my new attitude. The only thing I still need to work on is my anger when someone cuts me off. Seriously, that's probably the one thing I really can't seem to get past, lol!

Tell them that their dad loves them dearly, and he's a good man, but he just did'nt have very good training as a H, God bless him. Then teach them what a good H looks like, and better yet, show them one that you know.

This is a GREAT suggestion! I don't know any good ones that I can introduce him to, but I like the way you suggest talking about H. It's loving and non-judgemental.

Thanks, COG!

[princess_nic]

Steve~

The difficulty is maintaining your feelings for stbx if you chose.

I'm not sure that's an issue. I'd like to get over those feelings, and then if he ever wants to come back, I'll see where if they're still accessible. I think that's the healthiest thing for me right now.

The shine is your character, the true Nic, emerging from the other side of your H's MLC.

That's a lovely way of putting it.

I glanced at your pics from the race festivities of you and your kids. You are no doubt proud of them, they looked like they were having a ball! And you...... spaghetti strap black dress, just below the knee, smiling ever so pretty, sitting in a race car!!!! Somebody throw cold water!!! Hurry!!!

Uh oh! Better not let that special lady in your life read that! LOL! But thanks for the compliment - I can never get too many.

[princess_nic]

Today I broke my rule of letting H initate all conversations, to my detriment. ARGH!

I had called him re. some kid stuff (urgent), which was fine. I had to call him about the same thing yesterday, and he had tried to initiate conversation, but I wasn't in the mood so didn't pursue it.

Today, the talk went fine, and he told me he's got a new job w/in the company. It's a lateral move, but more prestige and more opportunity for future career growth. I said, well, everything worked out for the best then. (He was afraid he'd lose his job, so applied for this one.) Then, I hurried off the phone.

Afterwards, I thought I probably should have congratulated him and asked him a few ? about the new job, so I decided to do that when he came over to drop off D5's Epi-pen. Bad move.

He dropped it off and asked to borrow a screwdriver set - fine. Then

Me: Congratulations on the job; when do you start?

H: June 26.

Me: So soon!

H: Yeah, I'm already doing some work for it, too.

Me: Oh my gosh

H: Yeah, I'll be working a lot now [while he is talking, he starts to walk down the steps w/ his back to me]

Me: Okay bye!

H: [turns around and smiles] Bye!

H sits in his car for 10 mins on the phone then leaves.

Now, this thing w/ walking away from me while we're still conversing REALLY ticks me off - and yes, he knows. What I do now is pretty much what I did - if I'm talking I stop, or if he is, I say good-bye. But see - I initiated, and he was totally disrespectful. This is exactly what he was like before, but then stopped. Now, it's started again.

I sure as heck hope he's doing it w/ ow.

Okay, that's enough of this for now. It's just making me

[MnSPD]

Nic,

Let's see....

You were cordial, respectful, complimentary, empathetic (stop me at any time) My point.... be proud of YOU and what YOU accomplish. The rest..... drop it. It's part of detaching. You are doing well and these little oscillations on the emotional swing will continue. Make an effort to recognize your positives, we do!

Have a relaxing evening,

Steve

Oh, and no special lady at the moment, so be prepared, I may compliment you at any time

[Grace_O]

It may make you mad as all get out, but you handled it really well.

[I_Still_Love_Him]

Nicola,

Remember that as we detach, we do not allow their actions to affect how we feel. It is really hard for him to look at you because deep down he is feeling a lot of guilt and if he would even show a inkling of consideration, he may just start to get some feelings back for you but he will continue to fight them.

You sound wonderful and that is what is important - not him.

Saw the pics - looks like you and the kids had a great time.

Hugs to you,
ISLH

[princess_nic]

Jazz~

I guess it's hard when you seem to be going forward, then end up going backwards. The good side is that when he does things like that, it's easier for me to not want him back.

Steve, Grace, ISLH~

Thanks, you are all correct, of course. I am proud of how I acted and that's what matters.

Disrespect is a major hot button for me, not sure why that is. It's something I will think about.

I have thought of a new, probably more accurate reason for this behaviour - he's not worried about his job anymore. When he was down, he wanted to talk, wanted my support, but now, he's back to his old, cocky self. And if I'm not "useful," why treat me well? Anyway, just goes to show that his changes are only on the surface (at least with me).

Too hot to sleep last night. For some reason my room is super-hot. I'm thinking of getting central a/c installed, just have to bring myself to spend the $3,000.

N

[faithisbelieving]

If your spouse belittles you, the discussion is ended.

OK Nic..you've earned one night of Egyptian palm frond fanning to cool you off and one bowl of peeled grapes.

Stay strong and don't descend to a place you left behind.
Frank