Hope you had a great weekend. I did pretty well over the weekend (except for an incident w/my S...I'll explain later). I kept busy with the kids and friends. I had a few down times but bounced back after a short time. My H didn't attempt to make any contact w/me or me w/him...and I was okay w/that. In fact, I felt like I didn't want to talk to him.
I admit that I have been weak since our S, maybe even before...part of the problem I am sure. When my H and I were first together, I could have taken or left him and he knew it. Funny how the tables turn. Last Friday when I went into my H's office, I was feeling and acting somewhat weak. I admit it but I thought if I acted too out of character after the blow out, that it would seem insincere. I will have to go to my H's office later this week so, I am planning on flipping the switch then...If I can. I know I am an attractive woman with a nice figure (a little too thin now maybe)and a few brains but I have always been insecure. I know men have treated me badly because of my insecurities which just perpetuated the problem more. I thought I was past all of that when my H and I were married...he ADORED me. I think my insecurities started popping back up when my H started pulling away. I wish I could go back and change things because I know my H can't stand needy women.
I hope it isn't too late for me to show him how strong I can be, but I am starting to question whether or not I really want him back. I think that could work to my advantage if I focus on that when I see him. Anyway, I am going to try to turn this around just so I know in my heart that I gave it my all.
I am not going to ask for hugs or for him to call me. I had thought about mentioning going out for a drink, but I decided that I shouldn't do that either. I will go in to my H's office with a smile on my face, my head held high and looking very confident. I will make small talk for a minute or two, take care of whatever business need to be taken care of and then leave with a "quick friendship-like hug" or no contact at all.
Okay so, that is my plan for this week. Other than my H's bookkeeping, we have several potential opportunites to see each other...
My D's 8th grade promotion is next week. My D's birthday is in the next couple of weeks Our anniversary is in about 3 weeks My H's birthday is in about 3 weeks
I am not sure if I should mention any of these events or not. Father's Day is Sunday and I don't think I should acknowledge it especially since he did not contact me on Mother's Day...said I'm not his mother! Do I make any attempt to celebrate any of this with us/me? I am thinking no.
My mind keeps flashing back to what my H told me last week, that he is still in love w/me. Is he crazy or am I? How could he do this if he is IN LOVE w/me?
Oh, I don't want to forget to tell you what my S15 did Saturday night. Keep in mind that my S has always been a great kid and never gets in trouble. Anyway, he spent the day at an amusement park with friends and he asked if he could have a friend stay over. I knew he was coming in late so I told him to wake me up when he go home which he did about midnight. I woke up again about 3 a.m. and went in to check on the boys and they weren't there. Turns out my S just asked this girl to be his (1st) girlfriend on Saturday and he wanted to see her. Now my S is in big trouble and giving me nothing but attitude...I don't need this too!
