Stillme's Chapters Continue

[stillme]

Cincy, he's angry b/c (in his thinking)
~I caused him to fall out of love w/me b/c I didn't love him
~I ruined his M, and am forcing him to do something he swore would never happen: D me
~I am the reason he will be living apart from his kids at least 50% of the time - but mostly
~I will be taking $ out of his pocket that I don't deserve (b/c of the aforementioned Bad Acts), and not only that, but
~I have failed & refused to keep to our "original agreement" that, when D started K, I would "go back to work" so we could afford - whatever he has been thinking of. In his mind, despite my saying otherwise for at least the past 3 yrs, that meant going back to a FT legal sec'y position. He has in his mind that I could earn X amount and now, if I'm not doing that & earning my 'potential', HE will have to pay me more than he 'should' or whta I actually deserve (again, going back to the aforementioned Failings of Mine). I am taking money out of his own pocket (or, as he says, out of the mouths of his children)
In his mind, it's all about the Money, when in actuality (according ot both my own C & DB Coach Laurie), he HAS TO make it all about the money to support his Position (that I'm Evil & hate-worthy & that he has no choice but to D one such as I) so as not to allow any thoughts of, possibly, HIS own failings or unwise or unworthy actions pre- or post-Bomb.

Yeah, that's a bit of venting, but mostly accurate. I'm tired of thinking - and there's thunderstorm starting - so I'll be off for a while. Will check in later tonight.