you know your heart and your situation. the most important thing about standing is standing first for yourself. Everything in your life is a lesson and I think you have been being the best person you can be and sometimes the lesson may be to let go. you are a good man and you will know what is what
Which ever way you go in your sitch, good luck to you. I don't think that you need to exclude yourself from here though. Your advise is still valuable.
All the best to you. Imageer.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Be careful man, your are emotionally vulnerable right now. IF you are doing what I think you are suggesting, what is a matter of time, if this person means this much to you, get to know them, allow wounds to heal.
Please, please, please, take a small ammount of advice from someone who gone a bit before you. Make sure you do not hurt this person, do not hurt yourself, this can be a vicious cycle you are heading into.
Go slow, make sure that you do not hurt this person, they are undeserving of it.
We stand as long as we can, but when we stop standing, we need to catch our breaths.
Respectfully, Jack
Jack,
Thanks alot for the input as it mirrors my own thought process. truthfully I guess my GAL got the better of me and I had a lightbulb moment a few weeks back, it was as if I could see my future and W wasn't there.
GF and I have done alot of talking about things for the last week or so, it is going to be taken slowly, very slowly. We both have kids and have agreed to keep our private life private from our kids, GF will not be in contact with my kids nor will I be with hers, we decided this was best because of the turmoil they are already in and neither of us want to add additional turmoil if things don't work out. I would like to think that we are being very rational in our thinking and BOTH of us are putting our kids first in this. We have a timeline we are going to follow with the kids meeting us at perhaps the 2 year mark.
We both are aware of the hurt that could come of this and we have both had enough of that for a lifetime, rest assured we will do everything possible to negate any chance of hurting each other. My family as well as inlaws are aware of GF and have offered thier best wishes. I would assume W probably knows by now as we were seen together by her co-workers at the aforementioned club on Fri night.
I honestly thought I would never be in this position, I thought I would stand until I dropped, I suppose I was right I DID stand till I dropped.
W still has a very long journey ahead of her, I am a realist and know she is gonna need years to get through this. I am also enough of a realist to know that this may not work with GF as well. I do know that I am making a consious decision to see where this road may lead and we are doing it of clear consious and at a time when we are not under a fog of emotion.
No.........it is not another DB member and no it is not faux Fig either.
Thanks for the support all of you, I know there are some who disagree with this, hell I would have probably disagreed as well if I was outside looking in. I just want you all to know this isn't a bandaid solution for pain, my pain has about run it's course and it's very little felt anymore.
The only regret is that this may cause W more pain, that is unfortunate but I have a life to live as well.
You are my (sigh) big guy, I'm gonna miss you like crazy. Your email this morning to me, brought tears to my eyes. B/c I know what you mean. Which path do I take?
You are LS. You have stood, at times, when I just couldn't believe that you stood. You have found someone else. You also have this someone else and are honest.
Not like our spouses. Their R's were brought out of deceit.
I trust your judgement, but I do agree, that you are vulnerable, both of you are.
But sometimes, just sometimes, an R that blossoms out of these times, are different, and special.
They are understanding, and incredible. You have learned so much. You know what is right and what is wrong, you know not to ever take for granted again. (sigh)
Becareful, go slow. Another pool boy bites the dust.
But as long as my guys are happy, then so am I
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
You are my (sigh) big guy, I'm gonna miss you like crazy. Your email this morning to me, brought tears to my eyes. B/c I know what you mean. Which path do I take?
You are LS. You have stood, at times, when I just couldn't believe that you stood. You have found someone else. You also have this someone else and are honest.
Not like our spouses. Their R's were brought out of deceit.
I trust your judgement, but I do agree, that you are vulnerable, both of you are.
But sometimes, just sometimes, an R that blossoms out of these times, are different, and special.
They are understanding, and incredible. You have learned so much. You know what is right and what is wrong, you know not to ever take for granted again. (sigh)
Becareful, go slow. Another pool boy bites the dust.
But as long as my guys are happy, then so am I
And to think I was worried you hadn't replied. I was thinking uh oh, Lissie is gonna be mad about another poolboy giving notice, Nice to see your support Lissie, you will always be #1, guess I better mention that to GF pretty soon
Okay, my 2c worth, if it is of any value ... you do realise that GF is actually OW until you are actually divorced (whether you are having a PA or not). No matter what your W has done, it doesn't make it right to do the same thing, and have an A (even if you don't view it as such).
I do understand that we all have our lives to live, want to be happy after all the pain we've been through, but sometimes we jump into things too soon, only to regret it later (much like our WAS's did), and all we can then do is repeat the standard statement of most cheaters, "I didn't mean to hurt anyone." Personally, I could never trust a married man starting a R with me. So, think long and hard, but you probably have done already.
Despite my sentiments (possibly expressed rather harshly ... sorry about that), I do hope it works out for you. I am glad that you have decided to keep the children out of it for now.
Good luck, and hope you let us know if it all works out or not, in the end!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Okay, my 2c worth, if it is of any value ... you do realise that GF is actually OW until you are actually divorced (whether you are having a PA or not). No matter what your W has done, it doesn't make it right to do the same thing, and have an A (even if you don't view it as such).
I do understand that we all have our lives to live, want to be happy after all the pain we've been through, but sometimes we jump into things too soon, only to regret it later (much like our WAS's did), and all we can then do is repeat the standard statement of most cheaters, "I didn't mean to hurt anyone." Personally, I could never trust a married man starting a R with me. So, think long and hard, but you probably have done already.
Despite my sentiments (possibly expressed rather harshly ... sorry about that), I do hope it works out for you. I am glad that you have decided to keep the children out of it for now.
Good luck, and hope you let us know if it all works out or not, in the end!
I did give this ALOT of thought and I do realize that GF=OW right now. It's funny you mentioned it because I did in fact use OW instead of GF when I wrote that. I changed OW to GF because I feel it's more respectfull, when we see OW we do not conjure up a very nice image and it bothered me to use OW when I read the post.
I guess what I am saying is that yes I am M right now and I suppose I am no better than W because I am having an A. I admit this freely and I am very aware of my actions. I guess for me the big difference is that we are not sneaking around in the shadows, we sure as hell are not going to lie about it, in fact it's the opposite it's quite public.
I have apologised to W long ago for the things I have done, however after a few years of her anger and withdrawl and now 8 months of LS I will never feel the need to apologise for this. I know full well it may hurt her, it may not but I think the odds are slim that it won't. I can't help the fact she will probably get some pain out of this, the only thing I could do to prevent it would be to join a monastary and that will never happen.
BM I'm really glad you brought this up because this is something most here are going to deal with sooner or later, I really think this needs to be put to print and discussed so that others will learn from any mistakes I may make or see what works for me
1 I thot I was #1.......fine, I'll take #2 but then you really must let her know she's actually #3........K??
2. Can she weld? Does she like garage mechanics? Capn's?
3. You are a GROWN man.
Now.....with that said.....and I'm still stinging from being placed in the #2 category....I'll say this. You are legally seperated. Your wife is openly having a relationship with another man......granted, she's missing some tools from the tool box, however.....as long as you BOTH know what is going on, and YOU BOTH communicate with each other....no harm, no foul. That is just my opinion. My husband is gone....he's trying to procreate with another woman....so what am I to do? Why, I'll just curl up into a ball and wait to see if he drags his sorry asz home......NOT! I'll live. I'll love. I'll be happy too!
Just take your time Billy.......I'm happy for you. Your a wonderful man and father. You deserve some happiness or the capn' was gonna take you under and that would have been awful.
Uhm, is it the person from down the street You can just email me the answer.....but me thinkesttttttt it is.
Give my niece and nephew a hug from their Aunty Sparkles.
MUAH BILLY!
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
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