Cadesmom34 I never realized how it was affecting my husband EMOTIONALLY!!! You cannot ASSume that they know or have any clue about it. You need to sit them down and be totally serious about it -- how horrible it is for you emotionally, how the rejection FEELS.
Cadesmom34 I am not expecting what Cemar expects from his W.
I wish what you suggest would work. I told my W several times what I miss and how I feel. She has her own reasons for not being into sex and only doing it on occasion.
To let her know how lonely/detached I felt, I said if I had a serious medical condition I wouldn't want her to visit me if I had to be in the hospital.
My W/BB talks a lot about what if some one had a stroke or something similar. She is sort of like you, she does something about our when I show signs of giving up.
As long as I am doing something, even if it is talking about what I want, she sticks to her POV.
What works for me is: 1. I can withdraw for long periods then BB gets friendly. 2. I can be the enforcer and get physical co-operation but mental resistance. 3. I can ignore the complaints and her version of our R and keep doing most of the things I want to do, but I want a partner, not an employee.
Help her to understand that it's not just that you aren't having sexual release; it's way more than that. BTDT. BB's answer is she doesn't have sexual feelings and she feels like I am using her.
Even though I explained the concept of sex by itself isn't what I want, BB has a difficult time accepting I want the emotional connection. She thinks the emotional connection can be achieved w/o having sex.
Well, maybe it is possible. Maybe a lion can like becoming a vegetarian.
BTW, I am glad you "got it." I think some W's and H's won't "get it" till someone moves out of the house.
I brought up that idea and have seen a few short-term changes.
