I realize i've been too giving in all of this. It is unrealistic for her to expect a friend/partner of me, when she has been clear in saying she no longer wants to be married to me.
Marriage is a partnership, so no marriage, no partners. What we are is parents. I feel like I can only now be clear with myself and her, and unemotionally state that we are parents, but not partners.
The hardest part of all of this is that we still live together. It is hard to seperate the emotions, and move forward with my own life when our situation is what it is. It is hard to draw boundaries around our relationship without it causing tension.
Also when she is happy/friendly, i find myself relaxing into our old relationship - almost forgetting the fact that she is leaving our marriage.
Since we still 'co-parent' weekends are the hardest for me to detach. And I guess she has the same problem, she really is living the best of both worlds, and i'm enabling it. She gets me as a partner, and she gets to fall in love. I am not willing to be a 'partner' unless it truly is a 'partnership'.
I am hoping our second family therapy session on Wed allows me the opportunity to outline some boundaries until our living situation changes. I'd like to agree on some parenting split (4 days on/off, or 1 week on/off) and then start living that split even partially even though we still live in the house. Is anyone doing this now? Any ideas of what kinds of boundaries make sense? I was thinking: Days i don't have the kids, i can go out, days i have the kids she can go out. The hard part is if we are in the same house, it feels unnatural for me to 'go to the basement' on my days off while they play outside, watch tv, or eat dinner. So detachment is almost impossible.
