I think when someone is in MLC and only thinking about "themself" they hav have a buried conscience, so-to-speak, so they appear fearless and confident. They don't care who they hurt, not even their own children. So they are self-confident and fun, merrily screwing their "soul-mate" affair partner, high on endorphins and the chemistry of a new romance. They think they are self-actualizing. They are high on narcicism. He doesn't think he's better than you, he's just thinking only about himself and his needs, and conversely, you probably think very little of yourself, and mostly about his needs.
We the LBS, are going through depression and shock. With a completely different bio-chemical cocktail, we are anxious, desperate, lonely, our world is turned upside-down, and most of all...we are scared.
Our fear gives them all the power. They feed on our fear and love the control. Our fear makes them drunk with cockiness and recklessness. Our fear, on the other hand, cripples us. It makes us hang on their every word. Every time they throw us a crumb of affection, we jump up and down like a Labrador Retriever who hasn't seen his/her master all day. The fear makes us lose our self-respect. We can't lay down healthy boundaries because we feel we need them so much. We tolerate almost anything if we think it will get them back.
At some point we realize we don't need them.
Then things start to change. The power shifts back in our favor.
How to get there?
Same old stand-by's: Get a Life, take care of yourself.
Here's one that helps some of us: anger. You get so pissed off you don't care what he thinks anymore. Then you finally show some backbone and stop being at their beck and call.
Stop inviting him over for dinner and sex. STOP.
He knows he can have you at any time. Why should he buy the cake when he can dip his finger in the frosting any time he wants? Men want what they can't have. Remember that.
You are a wonderful, beautiful woman. Show some backbone.
