I think it is semantics. Forgiveness has a religious basis for me, so it requires two people. I believe what you call forgiveness, I call acceptance and I am doing okay in that area so I think we're on the same page but using different terms.
Had an interesting morning. I had a meeting with my financial advisor this morning to just kind of go over where I'm at financially for retirement if I'm living on my own salary, etc. Before I went to the meeting, I was freaking out and sad because I ran the numbers again and I just felt depressed and like "I can't do this." Basically, if H stops paying the mortgage, after I pay that and the basic house bills (gas, electric, water, etc), I have 200.00 left a month to live on (for gas, groceries, clothes, entertainment, exercise, retirement, everything). That is a BUMMER and not all that doable. So, I had an icky feeling going into the meeting but I came out of it feeling pretty good.
Basically, if we get divorced and he stops paying the mortgage, I will need to do a few things like get a second job and get a roomate and live on pb and j for a while, but I WILL MAKE IT WORK. I CAN DO IT! And regarding my retirement, even though it is going to be on serious hold for a while, it is still very doable due to the pension plans I have etc. So, going to see the financial advisor helped me know that at least my long term financial situation will be okay and that I do have some savings built up that I can utilize in the meantime if necesary to get me by for the next year or two. So, it isn't ideal or what I had planned for my life, but it will be okay because I'll make it that way.
It was also great seeing the financial advisor because I totally respect her. She is beautiful, smart, independent, and has made herself a huge success in her field. She has been divorced. She said she didn't see it coming at all, and her husband totally changed and did some horrible things and she didn't want to be divorced but that is what happened. She said she went to counseling for 3 years and continues to go now, with her husband of 7 months. She talked about their relationship and how great it is. How he is a man truly committed to marriage and working on it and understands the efforts required for a good marriage. She said they don't go to counseling together because there is anything wrong but to keep things going in the right direction, that they read books together, that they are working on a spiritual base together, etc. She said it is almost comical for her to look back at her first marriage now and what that committment was compared to what she has now with a partner truly willing to work on it with her. She said that had you asked her 3 years ago or 5 years ago if she could have what she has now, she would have never imagined it and now she truly feels divorce was the best thing that ever happened to her.
Not saying I want a divorce, obviously I still hope and pray that my husband will become that man that wants to work on a deep committment and relationship together but so far, he isn't that man and doesn't want to be that man. I want that for my life and I don't know that he's ever going to offer it and it made me feel hopeful to hear her talk about her own life and to know that if I expect great things and continue to work on greatness for myself and require that for my life, that hopefully, it will come.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
