The one constant here was that my husband's actions and feelings were always on my radar, and took on greater importance than my own wants/needs/desires.
Very common, especially among us that have the tendency to want to be in control. It's very healthy that you recognize that, and never too late to change. Your kid's, and future man, will love you for it.
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But that brings me to my more important realization ~ I have no control over that.
Letting go was one of the healthiest things that I had to learn. There is such peace and fulfillment in acceptance. It's so nice to not have to get frustrated if W is moody, or the car won't start, or people don't act like I want them to. I still get a little frustrated sometimes, but NOTHING like I used to.
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When I read DR, I realized that I had been looking for my M to improve so that I could be happy, instead of finding my own happiness first. My happiness was entirely dependent on my R with H - a recipe for disaster.
Wow Nicola, that realization will take you miles forward. You really have to take care of yourself first. If we're not fulfilled and happy in our own skin, our own life as an individual, and spiritually, then we'll just make the people around us miserable. That's what my W really needed, and I had been more of an obstacle than a help.
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Sometimes I worry that my children will suffer from having him as a role model
I think it would serve you and your kid's well to be honest with them. Tell them that their dad loves them dearly, and he's a good man, but he just did'nt have very good training as a H, God bless him. Then teach them what a good H looks like, and better yet, show them one that you know. I guess my point is that they can learn from other sources.
God Bless you Nicola you are on the right track. Use this struggle to grow, heal, and improve yourself. Trust God, let go, and someday you'll be blessed beyond what you can imagine.
Take Care!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
