Need Veteran Piecer's Advice - desperately!!!

[Heartbroken]

OC,

H knows how much I love him - he just cannot love me anymore! I fear he messed himself up so good having an A he cannot recover from it - or that's what he believes. H is not willing to really try and reconnect...

Thanks Theo (eloquent as always),
H came to take the kids for ice cream - (yes, I called and asked him to since they were both having melt downs - crying and crabby and just out of sorts).

After they got back H said we need to talk - "what are we doing?" I said I thought we were doing a trial separation and we would re-eval at the end of his lease. He just feels he is not going to change his mind if that is what I am waiting for.

H said he's done trying (as if he really ever did - how can you try when you are with or still hung up on OW) and I said I am not done trying and that is why we are not on the same page. H has been thinking D since last August and he is tired of everyone (his best friend, his Mom, me, our neighbors) telling him he should keep trying. Funny - no one has told him well he tried his hardest and now he should just move on - no one has told him this....

He wants to help me find a house and start down the D path - we will probably use a mediator and just have lawyers review the final agreement. Guess I am slowly accepting this.

Theo - I know I am a great lady. I have tried my hardest and fought a good fight. Maybe God has better plans for me and the new direction my life is taking. I need to keep the faith and let be what is meant to be...

Still trying to stay in the PM and keep the PMA going. Day by day...it's all I can focus on now. Trying to keep the pain from taking over...

Baby steps - someday I will be happy and at peace once again!

HB