So i never sent the email to my wife. I still feel the same way though, however with less complicated emotions. I feel a lot more clarity and inner strength.
This weekend has been a cleansing one for me. Saturday I woke up to my wife being a real b***h and in my anger I was done with the whole situation. However I was able to bite my tongue and sit back and make it through the day, (luckily I went out for drinks with a friend at night so it was easier for me to escape without a major blowout/R talk). Hell, on my way out the door, my wife looked at me angrily and said "we need to talk".
Then today, my wife is super nice. Friendly, happy, etc. No talk.
Dealing with both poles I realized for myself that this is not about me. It really never was. This is my wife trying to get the 'in love' feeling to fill some emptiness she is feeling right now. I don't know if her feelings will ever change, or what exactly is going on in her head, But i am not going to ride this rollercoaster.
I also decided not to drive the rollercoaster either, (which is what my email would have done). I am going to listen to my wife and if she says she wants seperation, i'll give her what she wants by renting a house and moving out.
Calmly I can do whats right for me, without trying to control my wifes decisions. As the LBS we really never had any control to change our spouses minds, but we try and then try and then try some more. I'm not sure if that is a bad thing, i feel like its part of the journey and part of the process. Knowing that we did everything we could, even if most of what we did was actually harming the relationship. However now that I can honestly say that, i realize that all you can do is be respectful of yourself, respectful of your family, and respectful of your spouse, and let them work through this on their own.
I am waiting to hear back from a realtor about a house I saw that isn't selling. Since its been on the market for a while the builder is seriously considering renting it out. Which would be perfect for me and the girls, Its a little smaller than ours now, but its in a great neighborhood, nice yard, nice layout (girls room would be right next to mine), etc..
I have two sets of fingers crossed: 1 for a major turnaround in where my situation is headed, and 2 if that doesn't pan out - then for this house to become available for me.
----------------------- Me: 30 WAW: 35 Married: 7 years SD: 15 D: 6 D: 4 'I'm Unhappy': 8/15/2006 'I want to seperate & see OM': 3/31/2007 Currently living seperated under the same roof.
