Weirdness in the Hap household

[Corri]

Mo:

Gross, why would you want to have sex with someone to whom you are not attracted? This is the very definition of LD.

Your attitude toward sex, once you do find someone to whom you are attracted... is enviable. Your 'yeah, sure, why not?' attitude, I'm sure, is part of that lovely 7 adventurous side of you. When I keep my PMA in the 7ish mindset, I can often operate in this manner as well.

But if I can't... well... I can get myself there if I gotta. Although, just because a woman CAN do this, doesn't necessarily mean she should ALWAYS do this. Sometimes sex drive falls off for very good reasons, and one should not ignore their instincts.

Corri

[MJontheMend]

Gross, why would you want to have sex with someone to whom you are not attracted? This is the very definition of LD.

I guess I'm just questioning the "why" of my attraction. For instance, there are several nice, normal men in my "box" to whom I could have responded if I wanted a date this weekend. However, for some reason, I am not attracted to nice, normal men. So, I went to the beach this afternoon and scoped out a gang of tattooed Hispanic guys (Unfortunately, I am lacking the advanced HD-MILF skills that would allow me to extract one from the pack for my personal use (sigh)). Actually, it's probably a good thing that I'm not attracted to nice, normal men because a nice,normal man probably wouldn't find it very validating to be in a relationship with me.

Sometimes sex drive falls off for very good reasons, and one should not ignore their instincts.

Well, this is probably true but more relevant to my sich would be the fact that sometimes sex drive goes up for very "bad" reasons and one should very much try to ignore one's instincts. Afterall, libido is defined as the instinctual energy or force that can conflict with the conventions of civilized behavior.

[Corri]

Mo:

Remember how I told you this whole divorce thing is an up and down experience? You are sounding a bit down... and it could just be part of a down phase. You are dealing with a lot of sheet from your 2bx.

You are also falling into that self-beating trap you used to fall into when your 2bx would slam you... meaning, I sense that you are coming 'down' on yourself in some way for not necessarily being attracted to 'normal' men.

Actually, it's probably a good thing that I'm not attracted to nice, normal men because a nice,normal man probably wouldn't find it very validating to be in a relationship with me.

And... how would that be YOUR problem? And how is it even a problem until it, in fact... happens? You've been married for the last 20 years... how could you possibly KNOW this?

Fact is, you don't, and you are coming down on my friend Mo. Stop, please. I really like her.

What happened to the half indian guy and the guy who had the Tibetan Monk in his kitchen?

Corri

[MJontheMend]

You are also falling into that self-beating trap you used to fall into when your 2bx would slam you... meaning, I sense that you are coming 'down' on yourself in some way for not necessarily being attracted to 'normal' men.

And... how would that be YOUR problem? And how is it even a problem until it, in fact... happens? You've been married for the last 20 years... how could you possibly KNOW this?

Well, I was in some relationships previous to my marriage. It generally wouldn't be very validating for a nice, normal man to be in a relationship with me for the same reason it wouldn't be very validating for a nice, normal man to read Nabokov. So, really, I'm not coming down on myself at all. I have a fairly high opinion of myself. I'm just feeling sorry for myself because a reader is missing the point if he picks me off the shelf because my cover art is sexy (At least read the first paragraph .."Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul." or, more to the point, the last line of the second paragraph "You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.")

Anyways, I'm thinking of changing my profile to read something like

Pretty much the last pretty thing my ex spat out before I firmly pressed hook into eye behind him was "Well, I sure as *&%# couldn't handle you and I'd like to meet the man who could."....so would I.

What happened to the half indian guy and the guy who had the Tibetan Monk in his kitchen?

Half-Indian guy was cute but talked like a depressive Grandpa. This may have been due to the fact that he grew up in Northern Michigan. Residents of the U.P. use fewer words in their active vocabulary than most people on the planet. It really is true that a guy will say "Eh" and by that convey "Hi. Nice day isn't it. Would you like to go and get some lunch?"

Tibetan Monk guy is spending most of the summer in Tibet with a group of 7 women. Also, he suffered from premature-validation. Although, really that was okay with me given my current state of mind. I needed a nice gooey wad of it after dealing with my 2bx for 19 years. However, he used the word "lovely" when describing a sexual interaction with me which wasn't very validating to me because my reaction to that was to think "Whoa, Mojo, you are REALLY off your game!"

[Lillieperl]

Well, I was in some relationships previous to my marriage.

That data is old. Need current data, current theorems, current conclusions.

[MJontheMend]

That data is old. Need current data, current theorems, current conclusions.

Okay, I'll open up a new account on a different dating site and give you access. You can run my dating life for me like Cyrano de Bergerac. Just tell me where to meet them for coffee and I'll wear a mini-spy-cam. I'll put it in a locket that will dangle between my boobs so that you can get some hard data about how well my Ipex bra is working for me.

Gawd- I am such a shameless hijacker. Sorry Hap. Let's continue this conversation in the cabbage patch.

[Corri]

No. Mojo, don't do that.

Nice thought.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Okay. I'm glad you are not self-pulmelgating. I will leave you alone, you seem fine on your own.

I know nothing, by the way. Nothing at all. Seriously. The more I go through life, the less I am convinced I know.

I've gotten myself, btw, to a point, where I don't know [censored] from sinola. And that ain't Corri.

But... it isn't so bad. I've had some very hard truths thrown at me lately... people I thought I could depend on that... turns out are just as weak as me... and that is okay. No hard feelings. Just leaves me reeling a bit. But... In a good way. I need to reel out of control now... when I can actaually handle it.

I woke up this morning, so depressed I could hardly move. But move I did, by God. Got my ass out of bed, went and worked out for an hour... I know the demon that licks at my feet.

And Thank God Almikghty, forever more... that I am too dman stubborn to give in. Jesus, I am a beotch when I need to be.

Fine. Been through my self-doubt, found my self-worth, lost it, didi it again. Won't quit until I get it right.

Mo. Whatever your path... give yourself some time, honey. This is not... easy. No matter how ready you were for it.

Corri

[MJontheMend]

I know nothing, by the way. Nothing at all. Seriously. The more I go through life, the less I am convinced I know.

Well, that is the sign of true wisdom, ain't it? Thing is I actually think that you know a lot of stuff that I don't know because our paths have been so different. Like, where do you buy those pointy shoes? All my shoes have ridiculously round-heels and little *ss-kicking ability.

[haphazard]

Surely I get the prize for the most comprehensively hijacked thread on the board! This is amazing, I still haven't got through reading it all.

Anyway I just wanted to check in and say hi to you guys, I have hardly had a moment to check the board - as you can tell by the fact my thread has run to 4 pages before I got back to it.

The LD bump in the road has passed mercifully, and H and I have been engaging in plenty more HMS. As well as .... wait for it .... conversations! And that (as well as work pressures) has been why I haven't been on the board.

The thread is aptly titled - it is total weirdness in the Hap household. Sex is one thing, but conversations? with MY H? surely I'm dreaming.

When it came to telling him I like him to take charge sometimes in the bedroom, it was quite easy - so thanks to NOP and others who encouraged me there. I just said something like "I quite like it when you get all bossy about wanting sex - it makes you seem like a man with a plan and that's quite sexy". We also talked another time about whether we prefer to be pounced on or to do the pouncing. We laughed about it and figured that each of us likes to do about 50/50 of both and that it's only a problem when we both feel like being pounced upon.

But the really weird thing is that I asked him what had brought on the sudden change in attitude because I really couldn't figure it out, and he said he didn't really know but that he sensed a change in me. I can't really think of any way that I have changed and it had me stumped for a while. And then I realised, that I had been praying very hard (which is not something I do as a rule) and I had just been praying for him to be happy and healthy. Nothing more than that. Sure enough within a couple of weeks, he went out and bought himself a bike, started cycling to work, now he's lost weight, less stressed, pumped up with testosterone etc etc etc.

So there you go - the power of prayer.

Fran

[blackfoot]

That is so awesome Fran. The power of positive thoughts for another. The power of prayer. Nod.

I think you have made a lot of changes.

I just said something like "I quite like it when you get all bossy about wanting sex - it makes you seem like a man with a plan and that's quite sexy

Honesty. who knew it was so effective....