What do I do with this cr**???

[DadNotQuitting]

Hey bambam, I followed you over here, but I'm not stalking!

As you know, I'm not the best source of logical and rational thought these days, but a couple things jump out at me here. First, you are absolutely correct in telling the boys they aren't going to hang around "other mom". She's saying things to an 11-year old that should never be spoken, and to do so when she must know his family situation is even more troublesome. Sounds like she has some screws loose. More importantly, if there is even a potential she has a stalker/exBF, no matter how remote, your kids do not need to be in the same zip code as her, especially when she is hanging around your husband. That's all a stalker/whacko needs to see, her flirting with your H. Could be a dangerous situation, one which your kids do not need to be near.

I'm glad to see your H handled it the way he did. That could have gone very differently, very easily. Looks to me like he has the kids best interest in mind, too. But, what his intentions are with her are unclear. She's an attractive, single woman who is probably fairly vulnerable and "and easy target" would be my guess. Not to say he wants to capitalize on that, but as you keep telling me, it's out of your control. Which sucks.

Of course, maybe it means nothing. But can you answer this? If this woman was not attractive, not at all, would he have gone out with her and the kids all together?

I'm going to say this, and you might hate me for it and think I'm horribly, horribly shallow, but I'm a guy and this is just the way it is. I like being around very attractive women. Quite a revelation, isn't it? As you know, my wife has been described by me as "smokin' hot", and she is. At 40, she turns heads of guys half her age, as well as about every other guy in the vicinity. I feel ten-feet tall when we are together (now separated for those of you who don't follow my little slice of heaven) and proud to be the man she is with. In contrast, I went to one of the warehouse stores a month or so ago with one of our friends (to help lift some heavy stuff since I'm such a manly-man - said jokingly), a female in her early forties, who is anything but attractive. Sorry, she just isn't. It was just her and I together, and I sort of felt funny, because I didn't want people to think she was my wife. I didn't want to be physically associated with her. That's me just being honest, and a lot of people will think, "what an a**hole", and that's OK, probably even deserved.

Point is, maybe your husband is just trying to stroke his ego a bit, and nothing else. Being around, and having the attention of a beautiful woman will just do that. The way he reacted to your putting your foot down tells me that it isn't important for him to continue hanging out with her. He's probably disallusioned with her anyway for saying those things to your son (S knew about police stuff, H didn't). Also, this woman's life is probably a mess, and H sees it. She's recently divorced, doesn't even have her own place, divorce was probably mostly her fault (which is why hubby got house), already has an unstable exBF, and is immature enough to say these things to an 11-year old. Your H sees this, and at the same time, sees how strong you have been, how you've been making all the changes in your own life, how you've been taking care of yourself. Don't think that's not lost on him.

So now he's back to calling all the time, handing over cash when you tell him it isn't necessary because he WANTS to, and in general, is being pleasant. And because he thrives on people thinking he's a nice guy doesn't mean you should hold that against him. I understand what you mean by that, but just let him have that one, he seems to need it. Why pop that baloon?

You're doing great, and you know it. Here's an idea, buy some new outfit, something that he wouldn't expect that makes you look hotter than the "other mom" and wear it casually next time he sees you. Yeah, sounds like I'm being a pig, but this battle is waged on many fronts.

Good luck!
DNQ