I'm on MLC but every now and then scroll thru the thread titles here and yours caught my eye b/c I have strong feelings about MC when the goals of the H and W are divergent. My H and I went to MC for a few months post-bomb, I (like you) wanting to keep the M and H wanting to get out. Once the MC learned that we had those two opposing goals she had a clear conflict of interest -- she could not work w/ both of us equally to achieve both our goals -- but she never suggested we stop. I did not "get" this at the time (I was a mess). At one point my H asked her about meeting separately w/ her but again that would have been a conflict of interest -- I was stronger by then (had my own separate C) and pushed back and pointed out the conflict and the MC agreed and declined (though initially considering it). In the end this MC took thousands of dollars from us in fees asking us about our feelings and dredging up the past, which completely polarized us -- every time I brought up something good H would shoot it down to support his having to leave -- sadly I stuck w/ it way too long b/c I was desperate to spend that little bit of time w/ my H, who I rarely saw otherwise, but it did so much harm.
W/ the different goals you and your H have and his not being interested (at this point) in working on your M I think you'd be better off going to your own C and putting the focus on getting yourself on an even keel and talking honestly about what you can consider to improve a R -- any R, be it your M or otherwise.
Just my $.02 but again I feel very strongly about this, we were M for 15+ years, S for 3 years and are now D and there's not much I regret about my efforts to try to save the shreds of my M once I saw them unraveling, but I do regret staying w/ MC.
