Hopeful Happiness

[I_Still_Love_Him]

Nicola,

Wow, I had some similar thoughts today which I posted on my thread. I find that we never stop learning and mostly do so when we really take the time to internalize and look at our life and ourselves.

Like you, I thought my parents' M was normal and while I too thought that my H was different than my F, he was just as abusive only verbally where my F was pysically abusive towards my M; abusive just the same.

I am not blaming myself alone for the demise of my marriage. My H did a lot of things that destroyed it. If I were to put them on a scale, he probably did more, but that does not absolve me of responsibility.

You are not alone. No matter how big or small a part, we all are responsible for ours.

The most important lesson I've learned in all this is that I can only control myself. How many times have we heard that? But how hard it is to really internalize it, to make the changes permanent.

For those of us who were accused of being controlling, this was definitely a difficult task but when we come to really understand it, you have a sense of freedom once the burden has been lifted.

If I am honest, I can say that - as long as I'm not thinking of stbx and his gf - I am happy, happier than I have been in a good many years, consistently. It has been a long time, several years, that I have had more than brief glimpses of contentment.

Once we change the focus from WAS to us, we learn who we really are, what we can be, what we can do and what we can have. This is all within our power.

I do not blame H or my M for that; rather, I recognize that I did not have the knowledge or tools to create that for myself. And now I do. That is the greatest blessing of this trial.

Amen.

You sound so strong and know that you are moving in the right direction.

BTW, My boys and their Dad are out your way for the race this weekend. You taking part? Sounds like a real fun and happening place to be.

Hugs to you,
ISLH