Yeah it's pretty hard to understand and difficult to figure out what to do. But there is yet continual improvement.
At graduation night the other night she would touch me a lot more than she has in the past. And here and there since then. But if I go to put my arms around her waist or anything similar she closes up.
Yesterday we took off for the day in her convertible. Which in itself was in improvement. We spend all our time together and go on "dates" but they are generally done under the guise of doing something else (going on errands but stopping for a nice dinner) We go to dinner/movie dates but this is the first time we've just blown off the whole day and gone off to mess around.
So we drove to Tahoe, drove all the way around the lake. Had a great dinner, and drove home. A full day of testing out her new convertible. Had a good day.
Got home late and when it was time for bed she had turned off the lite. Hard to find each other for a good night kiss. I was thinking Hmm this could be good. But when she kissed me she immediately pushed me away.
Funny thing yesterday which totally shocked me. We were talking about her sister. On the day that we were wed her sister announced at our wedding (although we didn't know it at the time) that she was leaving her husband. They had been married forever. She told him she had never loved him and said she had never wanted the kids. She immediately moved in with a very dominant lesbian woman. So last week ( 9 years later) she figured out she wasn't a lesbian, moved out, and started dating a man. Been quite the subject of conversation. So the lesbian woman appears to be starting the same pattern with another woman with a distressed marriage and my W id telling me about this. She says, "It's an abuse of power" I don't get it so I ask. After me asking several times cause I really don't get it, she explains. Well she is a cop and she sees a situation and makes it worse. She's planting ideas in the womans head, he's abusive, you have rights, that sort of thing and works her up. When in reality it's possible that there was nothing wrong with the marriage at all. Maybe the woman was just bored or confused or something, now she's got this terrible relationship that she has to escape." I was dumbfounded. If my W can realize this about another relationship can she realize it about ours. And does she. Her reluctance to explain it says yes. If you don't remember our sitch when we sought out counseling we ended up with a C who that week announced her D. She was very pro D and did immense damage.
I did make a comment "cops are the only proffession that does that" and the conversation ended quickly.
Just a note here. When we S, she said she's stick around until we got our finances straightened out and were out of debt from our situation we got into. That day is tommorrow. It scared me for a long time but now it seems to have no bearing. But maybe it does in some way. We'll see
