OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

[andyv]

Hey DNQ,

Yes, I have been monitoring your sitch, and it sounds like you are going through a shocker, I feel for you brother.

It is hard to explain how I feel, it changes from day to day. But what I am feeling more constantly is the detachment from my W and her R with OM. I have not had any dealings with him, so I suppose I have no memory of him to dwell on.

I have had to block it out in order to regain my PMA. I know I am so much better than OM, and all my W's relatives and friends say that to me also. My qualities are so much more superior to his, not only in physical appearance, but in pretty much everything, it is no contest (unless they are lying to me, which I doubt).

Also, my W felt so unnattractive and unwanted when I was not there for her emotionally or physically for all those months (due to work, building house, being away for weeks at a time and being too stressed to maintain a physical R with her). This guy was there for her, and said all the things she wanted to hear. My W would not have looked at him if it were not for her saga, he is nothing that she has ever wanted in a man (other than showing her interest and being there at the right place at the right time). So I pity them both.

I have gone through the depression of losing my wife to another man, having my marriage and our perfect life crumble (due to mainly my actions, some of hers but mainly mine), losing our dream home that we have only spent a few months living in, fear of not being able to see my daughter as often as now etc etc.

It has all built up to a point where I don't care about what my W and OM are doing anymore. If they decide to pursue a serious and permanent R then good luck to them. If it fizzles out, then so be it. I don't care anymore. If she decides to come back, then I will re-evaluate how I feel and if I can forgive and forget.

At the moment, I am still in my house that we built, I see my daughter every day, I have great family and friends and a great job. I am in no hurry to do anything at the moment, I will leave that up to W. Let her work on the D and selling the house.

She has said that I have always been controlling and jealous throughout our marriage. I have gone through all the anger of wanting to find OM and make him a distant memory. This would be the action of a controlling and jealous person, I am better than that.

DNQ, If I had a choice, then maybe I would be feeling differently, but it is out of my control. I am a better man than the cards that my W has dealt me over the last several months. I will come out of this unscathed, and will never lose sleep about what may happen. Her on the other hand may have to live with her decision for the rest of her life, she may regret it or may not, I don't care.

End of the day, this will be a positive outcome for me regardless of how my sitch ends.