OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

[andyv]

WAW,

Sounds like you have heaps of time before your D. You just have to keep flying under the radar and keep doing what you are doing.

Just let her go for now, agree with everything and hopefully when the pressure is off her (regarding you and the R) she will have time to think clearly about what she is doing.

At the moment her emotions are under siege.

[Astimegoeson]

I still find it hard being cheerful with W. I really have no emotion with her at the moment, but am still civil and polite and keeping our conversation to a minimum. This is the best I can do at the moment.

Your doing much better than I did when I first found out about OM. My initial reaction was raging anger and a sense of betrayal. I felt like a victim. I knew I had to get out of the house to deal with it or I would have made the situation much worse.

Thanks to the good advice I got on these boards and some very close friends, I was able to direct that anger into a more positive direction. I used it to motivate and improve myself instead of directing it at her. I'm not burdened with anger anymore and it's a good feeling.

You'll be fine, your dealing with it the right way for being so early in the process.

[andyv]

Thx ATGO,

I got home a couple of hours ago with DD (after spending the day at my mums place with my sister).

My W txt me around 2 pm to ask when I was brining DD home, because she wanted to spend some time with DD before she went out (Sunday night).

I brought DD back at 4pm. It is 6pm now and W is getting ready for her liason with OM. It just doesn't bother me anymore. I sort of wish that she could just go and experience life with OM full time, and just leave me and DD in peace. I hate the lies and dishonesty that she has brought into my life. And I hate the fact that she is making DD withhold (lie) the truth when OM is around.

As I was typing this my W walked in, all happy and dolled up for OM (looked pretty hot, I must say). She handed me a DVD she got from her friend (who got it in Thailand, bootleg) and said that I might like it (Blades of Glory). She told me she watch it with her friends last night??? (when she got home at 3:30am this morn).

I suppose she is protecting my feelings when she doesn't bring up OM, so I thank her for that. And she was trying to be nice.

[DadNotQuitting]

andy,

This behavior is so mysterious, so bizarre, I'm having a hard time with it myself. She tells everyone she's in a R with OM, but tries to protect your feelings? Like you somehow forgot, or a a fool not to notice her looking hot when she goes out?

Weird, man, just weird.

I'm curious though, how can you really say "her liason with OM doesn't bother you"? Is that really possible? If so, is it because you are focused on the long term rather than the short term? Long term being the OM fizzles out and she comes to he senses, so you have to put up with it for now? I'm just want to know, because if you've checked in on my sitch, it's pure hell these days.

Hope all is well with you.
DNQ

[andyv]

Hey DNQ,

Yes, I have been monitoring your sitch, and it sounds like you are going through a shocker, I feel for you brother.

It is hard to explain how I feel, it changes from day to day. But what I am feeling more constantly is the detachment from my W and her R with OM. I have not had any dealings with him, so I suppose I have no memory of him to dwell on.

I have had to block it out in order to regain my PMA. I know I am so much better than OM, and all my W's relatives and friends say that to me also. My qualities are so much more superior to his, not only in physical appearance, but in pretty much everything, it is no contest (unless they are lying to me, which I doubt).

Also, my W felt so unnattractive and unwanted when I was not there for her emotionally or physically for all those months (due to work, building house, being away for weeks at a time and being too stressed to maintain a physical R with her). This guy was there for her, and said all the things she wanted to hear. My W would not have looked at him if it were not for her saga, he is nothing that she has ever wanted in a man (other than showing her interest and being there at the right place at the right time). So I pity them both.

I have gone through the depression of losing my wife to another man, having my marriage and our perfect life crumble (due to mainly my actions, some of hers but mainly mine), losing our dream home that we have only spent a few months living in, fear of not being able to see my daughter as often as now etc etc.

It has all built up to a point where I don't care about what my W and OM are doing anymore. If they decide to pursue a serious and permanent R then good luck to them. If it fizzles out, then so be it. I don't care anymore. If she decides to come back, then I will re-evaluate how I feel and if I can forgive and forget.

At the moment, I am still in my house that we built, I see my daughter every day, I have great family and friends and a great job. I am in no hurry to do anything at the moment, I will leave that up to W. Let her work on the D and selling the house.

She has said that I have always been controlling and jealous throughout our marriage. I have gone through all the anger of wanting to find OM and make him a distant memory. This would be the action of a controlling and jealous person, I am better than that.

DNQ, If I had a choice, then maybe I would be feeling differently, but it is out of my control. I am a better man than the cards that my W has dealt me over the last several months. I will come out of this unscathed, and will never lose sleep about what may happen. Her on the other hand may have to live with her decision for the rest of her life, she may regret it or may not, I don't care.

End of the day, this will be a positive outcome for me regardless of how my sitch ends.

[Dr LOve]

Hey andyv.

Is your house still there? Caught some pic'a on the T.V. Do you live where all of the flooding is happenng? Stay strong Dude. None of us know what tomarrow will bring. Everything seems to be going my way except there is still no R talk. AND we have done nothing to repair what ever caused this problem in the fist place. So in a way my marriage is back to square one just before My W had the PA.
I don't want that. We can't just pretend it never happend. I have not mentioned the OM or the PA in two months. I have not looked at any phone records since I promised you I would not.
It's kind of like one day your car stalls and you don't know why. You are afraid to go antwhere with it because you don't know if it will happen agian.

Stay dry guy
I will be leaving in about 3 hours for my father & son trip

Husband

[andyv]

Thanks dude,

Pretty much the whole east coast of NSW is getting battered. I can see the sun poking out this morning, so hopefully the weather will clear up (before my big footy game on Wed night).

Don't forget, you are on a roller coaster ride at the moment, so prepare yourself for anything. Not snooping will go a long way to maintaining your PMA. The longer you maintain this goodwill the better it will get. And if OM is not out of the picture yet, it will be only a matter of time before he is.

Have a great father & son trip.

[saddadinkc]

Hey mate, thanks for your encouragement. By the way, what in the he** is a "footy" game?

[Dr LOve]

hey Andyv

We are here. Just us guys. We can leave tbe toilets seat up if we want. I have not called home yet will a little later. Boy you ozzies are sure sports fanatics. "Is my house still there? I don't care is the game still on LOL

Just giving ya a bad time. I hope and pray everyone is safe


P.S I brought some Bacardi Gold and coke. Let the good times roll


Husband

[Yoyowife]

At the moment, I am still in my house that we built, I see my daughter every day, I have great family and friends and a great job. I am in no hurry to do anything at the moment, I will leave that up to W. Let her work on the D and selling the house.


DNQ, If I had a choice, then maybe I would be feeling differently, but it is out of my control. I am a better man than the cards that my W has dealt me over the last several months. I will come out of this unscathed, and will never lose sleep about what may happen. Her on the other hand may have to live with her decision for the rest of her life, she may regret it or may not, I don't care.

End of the day, this will be a positive outcome for me regardless of how my sitch ends.

Andy,
You are such a wise man. What a great PMA, you certainly opened my eyes. I have several blessings and I need to count them. I have my wonderful daughters, family, and our health. I am indeed a lucky woman. Thanks Andy for allowing me to see that.

Yoyo