Ok going dark is killing me....need strength. I want to email her so badly right now.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I'm not ready to let go of her bro. I'm just lost at what else I can do. I guess I can give the 180's more time. But she tells me she thinks all my changing is just an act, and that I'll be the same person I was before once I get what I want. Meaning her.
Here's a little hint, when a woman makes a statement there is a question behind it (likewise, a question is actually a statement):
W: "I think all your changes are an act!" = "Are all these changes just an act, HOW CAN I KNOW THEY'RE REAL???"
Likewise:
W: "How can I trust you again?" = "I can't trust you right now, show me how I can." (That's one I got last meeting.)
Men don't talk like that, we hear exactly what's coming out of a woman's mouth and take it literally. We can't do that - it is the cause of many misunderstandings in my life, and I'm sure it is in most mens' lives.
Just show her the changes are real for as long as you can hang in there, that's all any of us can do. I'm right there with you man!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Somedays I think I couldn't decode her with a decoder ring, a map, and a sledgehammer.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I really just want to ask her how her day was..etc etc etc.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I know, we all do with our spouses. It sucks my friend, I don't know of anyone having an easy time with this. Just like I would like to have a 3 second peep into her thoughts, her heart. Not knowing anything is maddening. Something concrete no matter how small would be welcomed.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I'm with you there 789. Just something to work off of. How is going dark going to impact my horse riding lesson with D and W on Wed though. Ack...hadn't thought of that.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I am still not sure how going dark works when you have children involved. I cannot just ignore phone, 9 times out of 10 it is my son. We have to see each other 5-6 times a week just because of logistics. So far I have not even thought of going dark, just withdrawn. I make visits to pick or drop off son as quick as I can normally, sometimes I do hang around, then again she does also when at my place.
I will do whatever it takes, as long as it does not make my S suffer. I will spend all the time I can to be around for him, I will not let him suffer because of her actions.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
She'll view pretty much any contact as pursuing. Try and think about you and what you did to be happy before you met her.
Then do that.
Most of those things were illegal and I didn't have the responsibilities I do now. No seriously. I don't know how to have fun by myself anymore.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
