Mandy, I've followed your postings periodically here and I believe you are also posting over on 40/60. My thoughts are really no different than some of the thoughts of others that have been posting to you.
First, contact your solicitor. Advise them that the man you lived with has two options: 1) either pay you for the 18 months of child support as agreed upon; or 2) accept as rent the funds that he was to have paid you in child support during that time. Advise them that you aren't going to pay him rent because of the understanding that you both had about it. You also need to find out just what you would have been entitled to for child support payments. You may discover that your child support payments could have been much righer than what you worked out with this man for rent purposes. Since this rumpus wants you moved out, it's time now to put back into place the child support and make it clear that you want the support money each and every month on a certain day and you may even want it deposited to your checking account. This support has to meet every need that your son has. Don't back down. If you don't aim high, you won't even hit the middle.
Let's continue on. As you know, you can't tell this man to spend time with his son if he doesn't want to. You'll be lucky if you get a dime out of him unless you take him back to court. This man looks at the situation as not being a legal arrangement, therefore, he feels he has no emotional ties with you and his son. He is looking at his son as an extension of you and not as a separate person. Unfortunately, he did assist in creating a wonderful young man. The more you fret over him not spending time with his son, the more your son is going to pick up on your emotional state. Mandy, let this rumpus go. He's not worth your fretting over him. Yes, I realize you are concerned about your son, but what would you do if this man had died? Your son's father wouldn't have been in the picture and you would have had to pick up the pieces and move on w/o him in your life. This is the exact way that you have to look at him for now--he's gone, he doesn't want to be involved in his son's life unless the son kisses the ground his father and wifey walk on. Is this any way to gain the love, respect and admiration of his son? I don't think so. Right now, your son is so much better off w/o this man in his life. Some day, your former companion will figure out that he screwed up royally and then it's going to be either too late or awfully hard for them to reconnect. Time will tell on that one.
You are packed with no where to go. I realize that you are probably not working, but do not rely on this man to locate a new home for you. Start looking in the papers, ask around, do you have family that can assist you in relocating? Get moving. It's time to become as independent as you can so that you don't have to rely on this man for anything. It's time to severe what control he has had over your lives and show him and the world that you can make it on your own and successfully survive. Why should you and your son receive pittance in the way on monetary funding and attention from this man? You and your son deserve better and that means you are going to have to step up to the plate and be both parents and take care of yourselves. I'm afraid that this man is totally into himself and his new wife and really, at this time, doesn't give a fig about what he's walked away from. This is one of ones that I really could throttle, but it would do no good at this time.
Mandy, dig very deep for you are going to need faith and patience for a while. Pull yourself up, stand up tall and show this rumpus you and your son will thrive and survive w/o him in your lives.
It's time to be pro-active and not wait on him for anything from this day forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
