I suppose I have found, through my own trials and tribulations of LD/HD stuff... that I am always in charge of my own sexual desire. In the midst of the initial chemical rush of new dating, it comes very easily (every pun intended). When the chemical rush wears off... well.
A few weekends ago, my bf came and stayed the weekend while the boys were at home. I dam near came unglued. For the most part, these two aspects of my life have remained separated. But when everyone was in the same house together... males do this bizarre thing... and maybe it is a natural thing... or maybe its just me... but they seem to compete for the woman's attention. Small subtle ways. Or again, it could have been me, fluctuating back and forth between gf and mommy. It was very disconcerting for me, and it was certainly taking a toll on my sex drive.
It was a very difficult weekend for me to get through. Our sexual encounters were limited because of the boys, and my mind/emotional state was split... between gf and mommy, like I said. So when we DID have an opportunity... I had to shift gears almost immediately... and though my mental frame of mind was there... the body was still apathetic. It would have been very nice if HE had taken the time to play with me, slowly, to get my crock pot warmed up to a nice hot sizzle.
But men can detect if a woman... is receptive. And if she isn't, necessarily, they may float out a question, but it has not been my experience that they will come roaring at you with full passion... for they are likely to get their ears boxed.
So... I had to think it through. I didn't FEEL like crawling up on top of him. But mentally, I knew I could get me there. I was annoyed and all disjointed because of this constant bouncing back and forth between states of gf/mommy... but I wasn't annoyed AT anyone... that is just the way it is. Although when I was married, I probably blamed my H for that feeling in my ignorance... and blamed him for something that was not his fault in any way.
So I did what I described. Even though I didn't really FEEL like it. I WANTED to be annoyed, and roll over and go to sleep. But I wanted to feel close to him more than I wanted to be annoyed, and being a previous LD person... I knew I was the only person in charge of my own destiny. So... I started humming that Doors song in my head... "C'mon on Baby, Light your fire... C'mon on Baby, Light your fire... try to set this night on... FIRE!!!!"
I was my own cheerleading squad.
I couldn't do it every night. And we talked about it. But he was cool with it, because he could tell I was switching modes all the time, and God love his heart, he said to me, "I would think that would be a very difficult thing to do. I'm not sure I could do the same." Melt my heart.
