Well finally getting over my bronchitis. Looking back I guess I've been sick for about 3 months and just kinda dismissed it.
Bought W the mustang yesterday. She just loves it. Once we got it all insured and everything it was nearly sunset. But she gave the excuse of wanting to go pick up some dog food and drove me to town. Once we got there she asked where I wanted to eat and gave me the choice of two very nice and romantic restaurants. And just as I write this I've just realized that maybe this fulfills her need of being in charge a bit. We've been struggling with that for a long time I guess.
Over the last year or so I have become more and more of the alpha male and even though early on she fought very hard to be the one in control when it came to an important decision I was the one who made it. At first she'd ask for the decision very quickly and leave quickly when she got her answer. It was difficult for her. Then it became very natural.
She needed to be independent and in charge and I think this was at the root (among other things) of her original ILYBINILWY
We spend a lot of R time. A LOT. And I enjoy it now. Before I was just doing it because I had to. We spend almost all of our time together. There have been times where I decided to go out and do something on my own and she normally would jump in the car and just assume she was going. I was never really able to go GAL much because when I tried she insisted on being with me. This started right at the beginning of our separation.
I was thinking back last night when we were at dinner. W was telling me about my mother and her boyfriend (who was a live in and just moved out) and how my mom's boyfriend just asked my mom out to dinner. W was a little frustrated by it. The fact that they can't make a clean break and how he moved out but is back asking her to dinner. So as she's saying this I'm thinking back to our S. She left me on a Friday but by Sunday we were out together doing things and having a nice date. It has been that way most of the time with only a few exceptions.
So for a long time she rebuked my gentlemanly habits. Opening doors I would get a "I can get it" But I persisted and a year later she slides completely into the car and waits for me to close the door. And I know she enjoys it.
However, yesterday I let her completely be in charge. She was a bit nervous, she said "Don't make fun of me I haven't drove a stick in a long time" I just sat back and relaxed. We had a good time.
So maybe this is what she needs. A feeling of independence. I asked her the night before last if she was excited about the car. She said yes but she was more excited about us having two cars. Said she'd use OUR truck for grocery trips and such and the mustang for trips appropriate to it. A few months ago when we were talking about a car for her she made it clear that it was only for her and that I wasn't to drive it. That has changed and now *everything* is ours and us. Although she has been saying "my mustang" alot. So I think this is good and I hadn't really thought about the fact that it may satisfy her need for independence. But maybe it was that easy.
So I'll let her be completely in charge when it comes to the Mustang. I thought that maybe with us having two cars that I would become more free. Not always telling her where I was going and such. Being a little more inaccessible and giving her a lot of space. Maybe that's what I need to do. When I have given space in the past she immediatly fills that space. She doesn't take it a nd run. It's like a rubber band. So we've been like this rubber band just sitting there doing nothing. But perhaps if I stretch it a bit it will snap back at me.
Last night when we got home I went to give her a hug and a kiss. She crossed her arms in front of her like she always does when she she doesn't want affection (which is most of the time) let me hug her but wouldn't hug back just rested her head on my should. A quick goodnight peck and off to our separate beds. That hurts a lot and I don't really get it that much. But that's how we are. Our marriage is definitely saved on her end but I have a hard time holding it together on my end without intimacy.
She seems content in this and it's killing me.
So I guess I'll give it a few days (or am I supposed to give it several weeks) and see what happens. Or I'll start pulling on that rubber band a bit right away. I don't really know.
