OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

[Dr LOve]

Andyv
Well it’s supposed to be in the 80 s all week here. Where my son and I are going it’s usually cooler. I am getting paranoid again. My W has been so nice, why can’t I just accept it. She called yesterday tell me she is going to be late coming home because her back was bothering her and she was going to the chiropractor. This is a total 180 from 2 months ago. She had the attitude like your W “I’m a grown up I’ll go where I want when I want”. I like the phone calls because I worry when she is late before not because of the OM but because I didn’t know if she was in an accident. Now when she called the little devil on my shoulder whispered in my ear “The OM is in town and she can’t wait for me to leave”. Now I don’t know this but this is what pops up in my head. But later that evening she was watching one of he soaps (she records them during the day and watches them at night) anyway I walked into the room and started talking to her. She was nice, answered my question and then stopped her soap and rewinds the part she missed. I told her “sorry for making you miss that” she said “no problem that’s ok” Now My W 2 months ago would have just stopped the recording and looked at me annoyed if I interrupted her viewing. And last but not least. We were talking about next week with me being gone. My youngest D 23y Lives with us. My wife said “Jessica wants me to go someplace overnight next week so she can have some friends over. I told her I can’t I have to work. (My W has no vacation time. If she is not there she is not paid). OK the little devil crawled out again and well you know. I thought is she making an excuse to be gone all night next week?
My son and I will be calling every night so I will know if she is home. I have this feeling that it is over (at least for now) between he and the OM. But it’s so hard to trust her and not let my imagination take over.
I may put up some pic’s on my space I’ll let ya know the address later

Husband

[saddadinkc]

It is absolutely amazing that the WAW's all follow the same script. My WAW said "I'll screw the OM on the kitchen table if I want!" When I told her that having men spend the night at the house when D7 is present was not acceptable. Her response was "she wasn't in any harm" They act like f******* teenagers! When you see them sooo happy to be going to meet the OM it makes you want to puke! Just venting AndyV, sorry to highjack your thread a bit.

Tom

[andyv]

Husband,

There is nothing you can do. If she does go to see OM, it is beyond your control.

U do control your current sitch now. She is in a better place with you, so any decision she makes will be a hard one (if in fact OM is back in the picture).

U have to just keep doing what you are doing, and not worry about it. It is all going to a script that you have no control over. You have to let it play itself out.

My W got home at 3.30am this morning. I have stopped worrying about what she was doing, if she was with OM etc, it is beyond my control. I just have to look after myself and DD now, and stay under the radar so that W can realise what she is doing without any pressure from myself.

Just don't snoop, as this will severly affect your PMA, and you will not be able to hide it from her. This may even fester (knowing if OM is still in the picture), and it will ruin all the goodwill you have established so far.

Just let it ride out my friend. I know it hurts but you have to let go for now and just keep being nice.

[andyv]

Thats okay sadadinkc, you vent all you like, you are more than welcome.

I agree with you, my W invited OM over (when I was working overnight) and cooked him dinner with DD (she never cooks for me, I do all the cooking, she has cooked possibly a dozen times in 17 years).

Both OM and W picked up DD from school before the dinner. She tried to hide it from me, but my DD told me the next day. I was furious. She said that he was just a good friend and that she was entitled to invite who she wanted.

Well this was around 3 weeks ago. No she has admitted that this good friend is in a R with her, and it just happened now (I knew about them back in Feb, confirmed through snooping).

She has told her family and friends that she is in a "new" relationship, after pretending to them that things were not working between us (between Jan and now). All lies to make herself look good that she tried and OM was not in the picture until now.

[saddadinkc]

Hey AndyV check this out. this is how fast sh** can happen. My head is spinning. Please give me some advice, WAW just called in tears and told me she was not seeing anyone anymore. She said her lawyer told her to stop. I was kind and empathetic. I listened and told her I know it was tough on her too. She made sure I new that things were still going forward. I went way out on a limb and told her that D7 and I were going swimming at the Y tomorrow and she was welcome to join us. she said that that would be "wonderful". I told her that i would call her after church to make arangements. Holy**** you could have bowled me over with a feather! My question is, what do I do now??? help!!!!

[Astimegoeson]

Hey Andyv, you sound much better than earlier in the week. Your really starting to understand what you do and don't have control over. Good for you guy, it really will help you to GAL and PMA when your not thinking so much of her actions/activity.

As far as some WAW's spewing out about who they are going to f&ck, invite to dinner, or do whatever, it's all part of the script. They hate the thought of being "controlled" and will lash out at you if they perceive you are trying to control their actions. Ignore them and be indifferent to what plans they volunteer. I don't know why they do this, but mine does it to even after a year and a half of separation. BTW, I NEVER tell her what I'm doing.

Anymore, I don't go there. She tells me her plans voluntarily when I have S7, but I don't really pay that much attention to it anymore. I can sense when she's lying to me, but I don't say anything. I just acknowledge her with an "OK".

[andyv]

Saddadinkc,

Mate, it sounds like a positive to me. Just play it cool my friend. Enjoy the day with no pressure on your W, don't ask about OM.

Slowly slowly catch the monkey..........

[WAW in the OC]

Andyv,
You are an inspiration. My wife just came back from her business trip(honeymoon w/ OM)this morning and I had a hard time controlling myself. She did thank me for keeping the house so clean.(I cleaned and placed air freshners everywhere).

We discussed schedules and I tried to be as cooperative as possible. She even mentioned that she sees through my "Acting"(My GAL and PMA)and it doesn't fool her. I guess she is showing interest or noticing my upbeat attitude. I didn't figure that out till a while later. So I guess this DBing really does work.

I'm going to get served soon for a divorce and my wife has promised me by Jan 1st we'll be divorced. I asked about separation for a while but she wants the D. Any ideas on how to slow this train down? My only hope is that this A w/ 22 yr old OM will end soon and she'll come back to me before the D is finalized.

I'm DBing,GAL, LR, PMA and it looks like it will still happen. I need a miracle or some really good advice. Please help!

[Astimegoeson]

I can't say for sure what's on the mind of the OM. Although I did have a few flings with single older woman in my early 20's, the thought of a long term relationship with one was like last on my list of priorities.

I can't imagine that lasting unless he's looking for a mother figure.

I'm not so sure you should be concentrating so much on OM anyway. Even if it doesn't work out, there are still underlying issues for you two to resolve.

[andyv]

ATGO,

Thanks for your supportive post. I do feel better. It is getting easier with each day.

I still find it hard being cheerful with W. I really have no emotion with her at the moment, but am still civil and polite and keeping our conversation to a minimum. This is the best I can do at the moment. I find it hard looking at her, I suppose this is part of my process that is making the detaching easier.