Right. New letter. And she'll get it tomorrow. No waiting around anymore...
Mrs AC
Hey you - forgive the bluntness in this email, 'k... I haven't got what it takes to have an affair (which, I think, is a damned good personality trait) and believe me, I really don't want to be the one to split our family up, but I need to write this to you because talking about it hasn't gotten us anywhere yet - and probably won't get us anywhere anytime soon.
The thing is, I really don't think that you have any idea what kind of effect this total lack of intimacy is having on me. The feelings of sheer rejection I'm experiencing on a day to day basis are absolutely immense, and while I adore the very ground you walk on, one thing I am now certain of is that I just can't go on like this for the rest of my life.
So I'm facing this problem head on. One of us - if not both of us - has to.
I'm not sure whether you're happy to rattle along in half a relationship like this, but it's certainly not a NORMAL or HEALTHY place for either of us to be in. I'm hoping with all of my heart that you'd like to fix it just as much as I do, so we both can be happy in the marriage and we both can thrive in a normal, loving, and healthy relationship, and we both can set a damned good example to S6 and D3 for when they grow up and get to do it all themselves.
The thing is, I find it extremely difficult to put how I'm feeling into words, but can you imagine lying awake in bed night after night after night (for literally hundreds and hundreds of nights on end) hoping with every last cell in your body for some (any!) physical contact with the person you love more than anyone else in the world? Can you imagine trying time after time to initiate something (anything!), only for that same person to forcefully, physically, mechanically and literally push you away each and every time? Can you imagine hearing that person angrily say "get off me" every time you try to touch them intimately in bed, and believing that they really, really mean it? Can you imagine hearing that person make a point of telling you before you even get into bed how tired they are, or that they've got a headache, on what now seems like every other night, seemingly as a warning for you not to try anything? Can you imagine putting everything you have emotionally into a relationship only for the person you love to clam up and not even attempt to meet any of your needs? Can you imagine being physically near the person you love almost 24 hours a day, but not being allowed to get close to them at all?
Can you imagine how any of that would make YOU feel? Can you imagine what that does to your self-esteem? Your confidence? Your mood?
I know you thought that I was content to carry on like this and accept the scraps of a relationship, but really I'm not. Or at least I'm not anymore. I need more from a marriage than you're giving me right now.
I need you to make up your mind and demonstrate some commitment. I need you to fully engage in our relationship by working with me in addressing any and ALL issues, openly and honestly, or I'm seriously going to start considering my options.
Thing is, you're going to have to do it sooner rather than later, too, because this time I'm not going to wait around for you.
A good start would be for you to read the book in the top drawer of my bedside cabinet. If nothing else, it does an excellent job of explaining how this whole issue is making me feel - and it might help you understand why you feel like you do, too.
As you know, I'll do absolutely anything it takes. It's your call now.
