Piecing, 2 steps forward, one back, or more?

[25yearsmlc]

JDK,

wow, I don't know if I could handle the ML in that way. Frankly, if the genders were reversed we'd all be calling her a bum and tell you to cut her off....that has to be difficult. If she is satisfied with the ml, (you know, umm, if she is "getting hers" so to speak...) do you think it is just for that? Otherwise, she's wanting some intimacy without having to make the emotional commitment. But it is insensitive of her, to say the least. I don't even know how you can do it this way, (well, I do know how, but you get the point). Have you told her how it makes YOU feel? Like I said, consider the roles/genders being reversed and ask her how she'd feel if you just wanted to get off with her, and not have to look, kiss or talk to her...she'd feel like a whore. Ouch...(Guys can be different, I realize. But the brother I'm closest to, expressed a similar emotion to me and he didn't like feeling like an unpaid gigolo. He said it'd be different if he met her in a bar, but she is his wife for God's sake. Of course you're confused.

But as I recall, --she has given you several verbal cues about you coming back or her joining you and somehow the family being together again. So of course you are confused. Have there been any physical signals from her towards you? You know, I don't hear much about any OM which does ease my mind/heart some for you, but, she sounds soooooo text book MLC menopausal, you'd think she'd realize this with her medical background. Has she ever once considered the possibility that at least some of her behavior is different and might be influenced by hormones? Her financial concerns are interesting to me too. My h has two medical degrees and knows math just fine, yet makes what I consider to be fear based, and ignorant, financial choices. Like your wife, my h is in a constant state of struggle, or want or lack, "always striving and never arriving" and at one point, described one particular account we had as having "nothing in it, literally." Well, it wasn't a whole lot and it was just one account, but he knew we had 75k in it and he sat there and stated point blank in a c session that it had "nothing, zero" in it. That's weird. Similarly, there was a time we both felt that saving a certain specific amount would be our goal, not counting our home. Suddenly and UNBEKNOWNST to me, his "financial security" number, the amount of money it'd take for HIM to feel safe and secure is now much higher than mine and his number changed a lot. I do base mine on actual empirical data....i don't know where h got his number, but what gets me is that WE never discussed it. I'm sure you relate. It'd have been the mature thing to sit down and say what fears we each have, what goals and the steps to take to get there...like adults...Sheesh. Hey maybe we'll win the lottery...THEN they'd be happy...or would they? Would we?

You know, making the salary I mentioned to you up there, does make my self esteem go up and THAT bugs me...isn't that weird? I mean, it's as if I'm letting h's weirdo views of money and our worth as people, affect ME and MY views. kwim?


j-