You crack me up. Are you sure you're not a Type 8? Your "take charge" HD style really makes me think so.
The fact is, in my experience, if you do what you described in your first paragraph, many if not most men are not going to give you a chance to say what you said in your second paragraph.
Maybe I'm just being a bit contrary here but although I think it is an excellent idea to be open to the idea of teaching your partner what you like and not expecting "mind reading" and generally promoting an overall attitude of open communication and GGG behavior, a lot of guys really don't need to be taught to be sexually assertive. With some men ( I would say 1/4 of the population based on my limited and obviously biased experience)behaving in the way you described would almost be ludicrous. There's no way in hell that a guy who actually is assertive is going to let you tell him how to be assertive.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
