Cac4 replied to and added. what is with H and younger women that they just seem to latch onto him in that fashion and constantly hit on him?
...Nothing ever seems to happen like that to me... Cac4 {snort!!} ya. me neither!
Lil and some other posters said I probably don't notice some people that are being friendly, so I have been particularly observant of what does and doesn't go on, when I am in public.
Hardware or any store setting: I usually wear a light blue shirt so maybe I look like the help. People ask me for directions to something they want. If I am standing by an item that they want, some ask for advice. My take is, I think a lot of people give and ask for opinions.
If someone is looking at something I am looking at or thinking about buying, I chat with the person. In a check out line, it doesn’t take much for me to see something someone else has in common with me by observing what they buy.
Female sales clerks and office workers are friendly. Some joke a bit but I don’t consider that activity flirting with me. I usually see their actions as friendly, just making the situation pleasant for all involved.
When I was a service manager in a small garage, I had one customer come to me and said she needed to be checked all over from head to toe. I didn’t know this ~25 yr old woman that well so started to ask automotive type questions. A week later I saw the woman’s aunt and we did the small talk.
The aunt said her niece always had trouble going to the garage because the guys hit on her. I told the aunt about what the niece had said a week earlier, the wanting to be checked over from head to toe. I asked the aunt if the niece knew she came across as a flirt. The aunt said the niece thought she was totally innocent of leading anyone on.
My point is what is flirting to one person is just trying to be social to another person.
So Cac4, Maybe people do flirt a little, in a friendly way. Make believe people show interest in what you are doing. You might see something that does matter in some little way.
Oh, I am quite aware of that silly "museum" up in Kentucky. I'm not that far away myself, and plan to take a trip with a group of students and point out all of the mistakes (maybe I could be REALLY annoying you guys could all get a glimpse of some Christian bouncers tossing out a 6'9" guy on Headline News ... kidding). Hadn't seen that website you linked to yet though, thanks, I collect stuff like that. I agree with LFL that some of the commentary about the Eve display is pretty good.
For those of you interested in YEC, feel free to peruse the Answers in Genesis or Institute for Creation Research websites. Just be ready with some blood pressure medication if you don't agree with them. For those of you interested in the scientific side of things, go to Talk Origins.
Quote:
"In the beginning, God created fossils...lots and lots of fossils."
Don't forget "And God made the starlight in empty space to fool the unbeliever"
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I'm waiting patiently to see what happened at C today!
As for unconditional love, I have to agree that there are boundaries there. We can't "allow" our H (or W) to continue the unacceptable behavior while loving them "unconditionally."
Of note, though, my Pastor did tell me while going through the D bomb sitch, that God will not touch volition, meaning "free will." This meant to me that if H was dead-set and had a plan of action to leave and was not in any way praying about what he should be doing, God wasn't going to "change his heart" as I was praying for.
That doesn't mean that we can't continue to pray about things and maybe something will tip the scales to change the "free will" that is going on, but that's not what Hey's thread is about, but I found the "free will" topic interesting. I guess that means God won't change someone's mind once it's made up and that person has to live w/ their choices.
Ok, Hey, back to you. I'm sure I'm not the only one waiting to hear what happened. Hope it went well and ST gave Mr. Hey a kick in the rear
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
HW he's a procrastinator and there won't be any chance of him showering or kissy facing at 3 pm because our appt is at 2:30 (Pacific time )and I am working until 2 and just meeting him there.
Well it is too soon for an update. It is only 3 PM PT right now
Drive home 30 minuets. Argument over why the undone home work was HW's fault 1 hour. No, I am just playing around.
Wow, didn't know my life was of such interest to anyone other than me
Well, H seemed in a little bit of a pissy mood when we met to go to the ST. But I was pleasant, and I am sure it was because he was tired (he's been up since 11:30 last night and it was 2 pm)
Anyway, we get to the ST - pleasantries all around. ST starts off with wanting to finish off with last week's discussion about the dynamics of H's family and mine, then he asks if we did the homework. ST asks ME why. I proceed to say I brought it up on the way home last week, H put it off. I brough it up again on the weekend, H put it off and I never persued any further. ST looks at H and says "is this true", H says it is and proceeds to apologize for not attending to it and will accept the full blame. ST says "if you had leukemia and needed treatment what would you do?" H just said "well, that's obvious". ST says, "this isn't any different. If you aren't going to do the homework, there is no point in us going any further." H agreed, his hand had been slapped, and we proceeded on.
I will say one thing about this guy, he sure gives us our money's worth. His fees are more than the other guy but we were there for an hour and 35 minutes (we had an hour appointment) and he doesn't charge extra.
We did some (I can't remember the name) where you sit and say something, the other person repeats it back to you and asks if they heard you correctly - you know what I am talking about. Anyway, we did some of that and H was very uncomfortable, I could tell. ST had to stop him and say, "why are you responding with so little emotion, can't you hear how hurt she is, she needs to know you understand that pain." And we went on from there. It was very comforting to me and I was crying like a baby
He said that he is going to go over his notes and come up with a diagnosis and a plan to get us through this by next week - he is leaning definitely towards detachment theory with H
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
It was an absolutely GREAT session and when we got home, the ST had sent us an article regarding his "detachment" theory and guess what? It was the EXACT article I had found with regard to M/W complex - so sounds like we are right on track
ST also asked us what we wanted to achieve in our M and what we thought was his role in all of this. I would have preferred H go first but ST wanted me to talk first.
I said that a wanted "a normal marriage with intimacy. It didn't have to be the world's version of sex three times a week, but I wanted the spiritual, physical and emotional intimacy that married people are supposed to have". ST seemed pleased with that response
Then he asked H and he said "I want the exact same thing W wants".
ST then asked what his role in all of this was and I said I would hope he could give us the "tools" necessary to achieve that intimacy. That is when he said he was pretty sure he knew exactly what the problem was, but he would have to look over his notes in more detail and let us know next week, and also what the plan of attack would be. He's a "go-getter" kind of guy and believes that people should be able to get things reasonably back on track in 6-8 sessions - but they had to do the homework, which H agreed he would be more diligent with this week.
So looks like he is definitely convinced H is dealing with M/W complex, although he doesn't call it that (prefers to call it "detachment theory". He said, based on the answers to the questions he gave H today regarding his family dynamics, H is a "textbook version" of the problem, he said he couldn't get any closer.
Then I had to ask the question,"based on what you say, is there any possibility we can correct it and achieve what we both want in our marriage" - and his response was "ABSOLUTELY"
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
This guy is a "clinical sexologist" and he got his Doctor of Philosophy degree in human sexuality from the Institute For Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco, California
So, if any of you are impressed with him like we are, perhaps you should look for someone that went to the same educational institute.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
We did some (I can't remember the name) where you sit and say something, the other person repeats it back to you and asks if they heard you correctly - you know what I am talking about. Some call that mirroring.
http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/therapists/Articles/ArtofMirroring.htm Mirroring is literally and accurately reflecting back what the other is telling you. The purpose of mirroring is to let the your child know you are willing to put aside your thoughts and feelings for a moment to really listen and understand her point of view.
why are you responding with so little emotion, can't you hear how hurt she is, she needs to know you understand that pain." And we went on from there. It was very comforting to me and I was crying like a baby Sounds like some real work was done. (((HW))), it is OK to cry.
he is leaning definitely towards detachment theory with H OK. Sounds reasonable.
Optional questions. How about you? Any clinical reason for you to be so understanding and forgiving all these years? Anything to move the M forward?
I worked the 3rd shift for several years after I finished college. Not fun and I was tired a lot. I see your H works nights. Consider working nights as R killers.
I had time for a sexual R with BB but she didn't. Like I said, 3rd shift is a real R killer. I worked about two year on 3rd. shift then went to 2nd. Shift for 5 years. I decided to quit that job when management wanted me to go back on 3rd. shift.
Just trying to come up with things that you might look at to improve your R.
Wow, didn't know my life was of such interest to anyone other than me. PS, your situation is more interesting than Paris Hilton.
