Are they horrible people? No. Are they 'sick'? I don't think so..perhaps SOME are literally clinically depressed and making poor decisions. Did WE make a poor choice? Perhaps
You make an excellent point, Faithisbeliving. We LBS's can very easily get caught up in the "he/she is crazy" mode of thinking. Yes, that is often our anger speaking but it is also a way of putting all the blame on our S's for whatever happened. Human relationships are complex and high maintainance and in the course of day to day life often get shortchanged by both parties. Our society promotes the idea of romantic love as the epitomy of true love, when that dies down we often feel lost, don't know what to do, I mean, isn't love supposed to be easy and timeless, the intensity should never die down. We look for what we feel we've lost. Our S's looked for that intensity outside the M and found it. Is that crazy? No, but it is destructive, hurtful and sad. I know myself, I let my M go by being the normal everyday Hubby who took it all for granted. Sure, I did lots of wonderful things but I also neglected some things as well. When I woke up, it was too late because she'd lost interest. So, our S's have made poor choices but we also have to take responsibility for our part in those choices. I don't excuse the WAS's conscious choice which inflicts horrible pain on those they leave behind but I can understand somewhat how it comes to happen too. Do we whip ourselves for our part in it all? No, we try to be better people and show our S's we are worthy of them returning and trying to work out a real, solid, loving and respectful R. That's all we can really do and if we do that, we've done our best.
