What do you mean by love language? I have read and re read his e-mail and I am still confused about what he means by.....It's awkward around you but it's just because I am trying to work through my stuff and I don't want to string you along..meaning I don't want to hang out with you and have you think the wrong thing as that will just hurt more.
He's trying to figure out what's missing, and what he needs and he's kind of hedging his bets. 1) Men don't like to be seen as weak, and he's probably feeling kind of weak since he's out of his comfort zone and that makes him vulnerable, which men like even less; 2) if you don't figure out what he needs and give it to him, he's thinking he'll bolt - maybe, though he doesn't want to, or he would have.
The 5 love languages is a book that will help you ID what it is he needs to hear, feel, see, receive, whatever. It's a start. While you're figuring that out, be there for him, but don't be a doormat (pretty standard advice around here )
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
After reading his e-mail again I am thinking of telling him....taht if the only reason for seeing me is D then I we should set up a schedule for him to do that, but if part of him seeing me is because he wants to see if it can work then I will continue to see him, if not then he shouldn't contact me until a decison has been made. What do you all think.
Well he brought back my D this morning and it was really awkward. He sent me an e-mail in regards to spending time with me. He said it is hard to not see someone if you love them. Then he said that it is awkward there is tension between us and he feels worse when he leaves. Not worse because he misses me, but worse. So what do I need to do? How to I pretend to be okay around him and act happy. Do you have any suggestions ofr conversations?
I just got this e-mail from him. WHat do you think? Is there any hope left? My mom says no becuase he pretty much said he does not want this.
I hear you and I understand you want this to work, I just don't think I want the same thing at this point in time. I feel like we've been through soooooo much as it is and I just don't feel as though I truly captivate you as I maybe once did. I know you feel that way now because you are feeling like you are losing me but I just don't think it's enough that's going to last. I don't want Zoey thinking that marriage is for 2 people to fight all the time which is what we do. I am taking this time away to gather some thoughts and see how it truly feels to be away from you both. It's not easy but it is what it is if that makes any sense. I don't have any intentions of hurting you so hence me not being over there all the time. Should we decide to completely go our seperate ways then I don't want it to come as a shock and bring the train off the tracks.
If he wants to come over he ain't done. Remember #3 from the mandatory Don'ts
"Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared."
Now remember your Mandatory DO's, especially #2.
Mandatory Do's (from Divorce Remedy page 139-140)
1) Be patient. Time is an asset even when it seems to be killing you. 2) Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 3) Learn quickly that anger is your enemy. 4) Learn quickly to back off, shut up, and walk away when you want to speak out. 5) Take care of yourself. exercise, sleep, laugh, and focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil. 6) Be cool, strong, confident and speak softly. 7) Know that if you can do a 180, your smallest consistent action will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 8) Read as much as you can on this subject.
Last edited by catfan; 06/10/0712:09 AM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I really appreciate all of your advice. I am hoping that I can be strong. I guess in the end if I give him his sapce and he still wants out then at least I can say I tried right.
Well he decided to get his own cell phone plan. Yes I believe there is someone else even though he denies it. I feel him moving farther away. Yesterday he came to get our D adn she wanted to go swimming with me and H. I really didn't want to go, but since D asked I decided to. We had a great time and he was making comments about how I looked in a bikini. Then I hear nothing from him at all until he texted me to say goodnight to my D. I didn't call or bother him. I was feeling better yesterday because I beleive that I was thinking we got along maybe it can change things, but then he still is distant. Now I feel sad again and sick to my stomach. What do I do?
Concentrate on the small wins and let them fill you heart with joy. The compliments he gave you, the lack of uncomfortableness between the two of you. Let the little things pick up your spirits.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Okay I need to update and get some advice. I am off all week and yesterday H came over early before D was home. We watched Sopranos together and there was no tension and no fighting. I just pout on my happy face and tried to make things good. Then he said lest get D and go out to eat. So overall we had a good day. He then tells me that he would like to come over tomorrow so we could ride motorcycles adn tehn stay for dinner and take D swimming. Then I heard from one of our friends that he is planning to look for an apartment. H currenlty is staying with his mom and I know taht once he starts looking for an apartment it is his way of saying I'm filing for divorce. So what the heck is wrong with this man. He knows how I feel, so why on earth would he want to hang out with me knowing that it could lead me on to believe that there is still hope. Also should I continue to do what I am doing?
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