My Marriage feels helpless III

[faithisbelieving]

Em...way to go on the book. OK..some tough love. I think the hardest part of where you....I..am now ..is balancing between being reality based and 'loving her out the front door.' At times, I 've had to say some tough things to my W:
-that my friendship is reserved for my W..that if she splits, I would respect her as the mother of my children but the deep friendship would go
-I bought two new car seats when I got a new car recently (we would share them usually)
-I went to a wedding without her when she told me she would be faking if she went..and she cried and regretted it the next day
-I told her that we differ on a definition of what is family....to me.it's nuclear with two loving parents under one roof. She thinks it will be hunkdory if she splits, we're still family...even her L said that if she seps, "nothing changes". Bah humbug.

This may not be for you. I'm just saying that part of all this ...for you..is finding the balance between DB'ing...being a leader...and letting her know that things will NOT be the same later. It's tough....I still make some mistakes..but I still throw curveballs at her (I gave her an unexpected kiss the other day).

As for the doc thing...let it go. I'm a surgeon...I get called out in the middle of the night...have to stress out seeing a Tball game and seeing a patient....the doctor shadow thing, etc. And forget the money thing. We're getting slammed with malpractice premiums.

But ya wanna know something Em? What is life? What is this agreement that we all entered into? It's part of the game. You put your helmet on, dug in your cleats and you're still playing. They choose to run.

Are they horrible people?
No.
Are they 'sick'?
I don't think so..perhaps SOME are literally clinically depressed and making poor decisions.
Did WE make a poor choice? Perhaps.

4kids on my thread talks about not doing yourself in with guilt and resentment. If.....IF...we chose wrongly, or, missed signs, how much do you blame yourself for it? How much do you learn from it and say...hell, I've learned and it's part of my history?

Stop fighting to fill her LL's. If there is an opportunity, sure...fill the tank. No arguments. The more you let go...the easier it is. It still hurts, but, in a different way.

Kids, kids, kids, kids.

Strength and honor.
FIB