NikkiB #16

[NikB]

Thanks OT and Ellie.

OT
1. Working on it.. know I have a lot more work to do though. I came to a realization today (that the rest of you probably already knew) about why I didn't feel safe. I have told H, VERY directly, that his contacting PW hurts me and he chooses to continue to do it. Meaning he chooses to hurt me (I realize this is not why he contacts her, but he does it knowing it hurts me). Meaning.. why in he!! would I want to be vulnerable with him about anything, especially as important as what happened with my dad?? I have no idea what this really means as I JUST realized it, but I am glad I "saw" it.

2. Maybe next week... not strong enough today. Today, I will be happy if I can just stop crying and have a non-forced smile on my face for a portion of the day. But I do thank you for the idea. I decided to go to my sis's dance class. Get to spend some time with dad, and who ISN'T cheered up by a bunch of excited girls practicing for a recital??

Ironically I just found out when getting directions that the dance class is in the same strip mall as the place they always go for happy hour. How crazy is that?

Oh and you're right, I am assuming.. I think with good reason, but still, it's an assumption.

3. When I did the 5LL quiz before #1 by far was quality time. Gifts were either last or second to last if I remember right, but I had forgotten the "gift of presence" thing. I should re-read (or re-listen actually, I bought the CD) and do the quiz again. QT did ring very true for me.

Ellie - thanks. If it's words of affirmation I think I'm "speaking" it pretty well, most of the time. I am very good about noticing things that H does and thanking him, complimenting what he did and how well he did it (sincerely and specifically), complimenting him in general, etc. At least I think I am.. I make a very conscious effort to do it.