1) If you quit obsessing about how to manage H and control his reactions, and instead focus on yourself and simply communicating directly your experience, you will find that life is easier and goes better.
2) Why don't you instead ASSUME that H is not meeting PW? Invite yourself along and unwind after a stressful week. If it turns out she is there, simply report your experience -- it is not OK with you -- then enforce your boundary by leaving.
3) Reread 5LLs on gifts, especially gifts of presence. I think you may be a gifts person (this has nothing at all to do with being materialistic). This may help you communicate to H what you want, and why you felt so hurt and needy last night -- perhaps you felt that way because you felt unloved because of your LL. It may also help you recognize that just because you aren't getting your LL, it doesn't mean you are unloved.
