Forgot to mention this last night & just now...Even though I would have preferd my W to come here while I was in...Atleast she will have seen how I am taking care of things without her. The house is always spotless (which i am quite proud of) The garden is very tidy, which I have to say I never ever had any involment in, & also I quite enjoy it now. I know she will have expected to come here & find the place a mess, as that's how I would have kept it, had I not began to shake myself up six weeks ago.
There are some positives in what you have posted - house, money, etc.
And I do think it is excellent that she sees the house clean and yeard ket up. You got to make the most of whatever opportunities you get, no matter how small.
I think you are doing very well in a tough sitch. Please keep a PMA, keep GALing and focusing on yourself. It's the best you can do no matter what happens.
Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Strange (do you think you could have a better name )
It's kind of nice managing everything all by yourself, isn't it. I think it's good that you are keeping everything up, might as well since you might have to for the forseeable future.
Nomopo asked about contact. I think it's natural to feel like you are giving the impression that you don't care when you don't contact her. But it's very hard to force contact if the other party doesn't want to hear from you. But is that true in your case? Does it result in negatives if you call her up once in a while and just shoot the breeze or see how she's doing? It's transparent what your motives are, but if she greets you warmly and doesn't act like she wants off the phone after 10 seconds then it's probably okay to contact her on occasion. As for your anniversary, I think it's appropriate to at least say that you regret on your anniversary that it's come to this, you wish it had turned out differently, but your thankful for the time that you did have together.
Anyway, I wouldn't change the locks, but I probably would open a new banking account. It is just not feasible for both of you to be drawing from the same account. Take from the joint one what you think is fair and open a new account. Let her know that you intend to close the account in a week and she should open her own.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Hi guys hope you are all doing well & thanks again for taking time to read & reply.
Originally Posted By: Nomopo
I think you are doing very well in a tough sitch. Please keep a PMA, keep GALing and focusing on yourself. It's the best you can do no matter what happens.
Nomopo
Not sure what a PMA is/stands for? As GAL goes, tommorrow is my motercycle road test, it's something that i have thought about before & never done a thing about it. So two weeks ago I thought what the hell, why not give it a go. So thats my next plan/goal to get that sorted out, with luck I should pass & be a two wheeler by tommorow evening.
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
Strange (do you think you could have a better name )
LOL..Actually it goes back to childhood & everyone including my mother calls it me. It's not that i am strange, well maybe sometimes
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
It's kind of nice managing everything all by yourself, isn't it. I think it's good that you are keeping everything up, might as well since you might have to for the forseeable future.
I have to say at first it looked very black..But it's a good scence of independance & pride too, now that I have got into the swing of it. I know all the best bargins at the supemarket & the malls But being serious, it's also nice to think that if my W comes back, I would like it to mean just that, to come back to this house. It's by no means a palace but it took us 10 years to able ourself to be in a position to afford the mortgage. So at the moment im thankful that W does not want a penny from it, as I can just about afford to pay for everything on my own.
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
Nomopo asked about contact. I think it's natural to feel like you are giving the impression that you don't care when you don't contact her. But it's very hard to force contact if the other party doesn't want to hear from you. But is that true in your case? Does it result in negatives if you call her up once in a while and just shoot the breeze or see how she's doing? It's transparent what your motives are, but if she greets you warmly and doesn't act like she wants off the phone after 10 seconds then it's probably okay to contact her on occasion. As for your anniversary, I think it's appropriate to at least say that you regret on your anniversary that it's come to this, you wish it had turned out differently, but your thankful for the time that you did have together.
The time we have spent on the phone has been frindly & I have not got the feeling that she has wanted to get done & have me gone, if anything, I have kept it short & sweet, as it has been to sort out matters that I thought may cause her pressure. There has been one call that I actually got a giggle & a laugh from her (just rememberd this) & the last time I called her, we did chat for a little while as she had asked me how my weekend went etc.
I'll not go into too much detail about my W's job but I have a very keen intrest in the work she does, she does know this too. I always told her how proud I was of her & I gave her alot of support for it also. I actually miss her telling me all the details of what has happend etc..So if I was to call her that is what I would kinda use as a subject.
Originally Posted By: NoDontDoThis
Just my 2 cents, if her name is on the house title, you may want to check the legality of changing locks if you do decide to do that.
Anyways hang tough guy. Somedays are harder than others.
I would'nt change the locks unless my W gave me good grounds to do so, I know she has left me & that can distroy alot of trust, but I still feel like I could trust her with anything. How crazy is that?
I like the exchange between you and Just_Me on the phone calls, and think you should use that. Note what elicits a positive response (and a negative response) and adjust, repeat, follow accordingly. It's all about results. Be systematic.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Thought I would share my good news with you...Today in my quest to get MY life back I passed my motercycle road test. I am now offically a two wheeled LBS...
I was thinking of calling my W & letting her know...see if I can get an happy responce & test some ground....good idea?
Great job! Congrats! Maybe a call, but not first thing this morning or first thing when you got home. Seems a little to desperate to me. Maybe a little later? Not sure, just noodling out loud. That is exciting though!
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I did call my W & let her know about the test i passed..The call went well, nice & friendly & chatted for about 5 mins or so. She answerd the call with a positve attitude, she knew it was me calling as she has caller ID on her phone.
We chatted about how I had done with the motercycle road test, she did sound genuinely happy for me. She asked me if I was going to be attending any bike events, which was a big hobby/lifestyle for both of us about 3-4 years ago.
I asked her some stuff about her job that intrests me in general, & she is doing good with that. I told her i was happy that she is doing well.
Overall it was a good call with no negitive feelings at all.
I feel that this is the road i should be taking, a quick call now & then to just do small chat. I would hope that it at least keeps the communication of friendship open. Something to work on? maybe.
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