PS - Yes, he still sometimes approaches me for S. Not much though since he's either drinking or working. The porn goes on when I'm not at home or asleep and he's usually drinking during it. Lovely.
As one who has recently cut down drastically on my drinking I can say that, at least for me, while I was drinking I would be more prone to be having feelings of entitlement and would be more likely to both verbalize what I thought was wrong with the relationship and to take an "I don't give a crap" about whether what I said or did was harmful to the relationship. I was more apt to take the attitude of "Hell, why should I care if she isn't willing to step up to the plate and work on things". Now, to be fair, I still have those feelings frequently but I am able to keep it to myself or frame it in a better way.
My point is that if he is drinking heavily and is in a MLC (if there is such a thing), he most likely feels that you aren't giving him what he needs and the alcohol helps him rationalize the things he does in response. Have you talked to him about the drinking? Does he make excuses for it? I do think Alanon may be helpful to better enable you to see through his BS and maybe be able to discuss the drinking in a calm, adult manner.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
