Thanks, I know all this, I *KNOW* it, I just can't seem to live it. Let me rephrase that, I can live it about 90% of the time, but the times when I CRACK are the times like above. The water on the floor? Totally laughed about it and wiped it up so many other times that day, but holding the phone in the crook of my shoulder, Mari interrupting, Sam filthy AFTER we just took a bath, just one thing on top of another on top of another. I have tried to explain this to H that when you're around the kids for an HOUR, it doesn't build, when you're around them 24/7 is when it starts to build. I notice by the end of the weekend sometimes, I am trying to calm Joey down b/c he will be getting really short fused with Mari and say, "Why do I have to keep repeating myself?" A part of me is like, "welcome to my world" and a part of me just wants to help him the way I want to be helped.
So, in a PERFECT world, THIS is the kind of thing Joey would say in those moments on the phone where I'm obviously frustrated:
This is a response from my best friend today via email:
I am soo sorry how stressful the kids can be!!! I am just visualizing the chatter and messes—I would freak out! I only have a 33-year-old baby and 3 animals to contend with.
After (fiancee) had gone to bed last night I was cleaning up a little—the kitchen for the 4th night in a row—and I came across his dirty black socks in the LR again—he takes them off and leaves them and shoes in the LR EVERY DAY. I kinda wigged out and said under breath as I threw the socks into the hallway, “I HATE these effing socks!” I realized that if he’d seen or heard me he would have thought I was a crazy b-tch.
You are NOT the only who feels like this. You are just like all the other stay-at-home moms who get sick of the strain and mess and noise and sometimes come to the end of your rope. You are Not like all of them in that you don’t hit them, pour scalding water on them, dunk them head-first into scalding water, etc. We had a toddler die here in our burn unit a week ago who had third degree burns and a head injury from her 19-year-old mom. Other died a while back with burns and lung injuries from being dipped head-first into boiling water. You are NOT like these people. You just need relief, time to yourself, a way to feel accomplished.
Do consider the benefits of going back to work, ok? I know you will eventually, but sooner may be better than later.
I meant to send you an article I read recently that said that couples where the wife works are statistically more likely to stay married that ones where she stays home. It was a surprising study b/c traditionally that’s not how it used to be. It talked about the added income, the value of both spouses working and feeling equal, etc. It didn’t offer a lot, though. Just made me think of you…
I think there’s got be some resentment on Joey’s side that he’s the only bread-winner and you are constantly draining the budget. I’m sure the thoughts creep in there, ya know? Instead of him being the hero at work hearing your frustrations on the phone about being home all day, you would both be out and come home as equals with a paycheck and equal time to spend with the kids. Just an idea to ponder.
