A tiny ray of light

[NMHurting]

Thanks for the attempt Cire. Sadly a bunch of those rules put me in the position I'm in today.

[cire2]

Same here but there is truth in them! Not to be taken literally just some food for thought.

I was just out with a buddy who knows all to well my sitch, and he was just as fooled as me about sincerity, easy for him to let go as he isn't emotionally attatched. The point being, if I met her now I wouldn't have anything to do with her. We as men have our quirks and as men we adjust as needed.

Maybe the W's will never get it but hey we tried.

Get some laughter back!!

cire

[NMHurting]

Think it's time to go dark....as much as it hurts.

[NMHurting]

Any advice on the do's and don'ts of going dark when seperated folks?

[Bislandgal]

Thanks for posting on my thread . I have been feeling very down and it always helps to know someone takes the time on these boards to think of me.

Letting go and detaching is hard I know NMH and I am not being very good at it at the moment either . But as Lissett posted on my thread when you are very down the only way is up. It will take time but we will get there again. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers NMH.

[JR2007]

Any advice on the do's and don'ts of going dark when seperated folks?

Well, let me tell you, as the professional "gone dark" member of the boards

You just do your thing. If she calls about the kids, you're cordial and to the point, and that's it. Not rude, but suscinct.

Actually, what do I know - I'm forced to be dark. If I wasn't I'd already be D'd.

you do the best you can, decide RIGHT NOW how long you're willing to hold out, and you just do it. That's all I got right now...

[NMHurting]

That helps JR. I guess the part that's gonna be hard for me is email and instant msg especially. We "keep each other company" somedays when stuck at work.

[JR2007]

I don't know man, I read it a lot in here - Spouses hanging on to the other spouse, while they have an OP, and the spouse gets the raw end of the deal.

Let her know you're moving forward with your life by not being there for her all the time, so she can't hang on to you. I've read on here that shocks the spouse back into action toward the other spouse, but I don't know how often that works.

I guess if you really go dark, you can't do those things anymore and you'll see what happens. Are you ready for the potential bad consequences as well as the potential good? If you're there, then godspeed dude, I hope it works out for you, I REALLY do.

[NMHurting]

I'm not ready to let go of her bro. I'm just lost at what else I can do. I guess I can give the 180's more time. But she tells me she thinks all my changing is just an act, and that I'll be the same person I was before once I get what I want. Meaning her.

[NMHurting]

Well i have one last secret that I have been keeping from my wife for our entire relationship. It's silly. But I told her that I think it's time I share it with her.

About 2 years before my wife and I went on our first date. I was at a party with my buddies. She showed up with her current b/f at the time. I asked my buddy who she was and my friend filled me in.

She was glowing in my eyes like all those stupid 80's movies you see where the nerd is falling in love for the most popular girl in school.

I was really depressed during that period of my life. And a couple nights later I prayed to God that if he would grant me somebody so perfect as her in my life, that I would never ask him for another selfish request again.

He came through with his part of the deal.

So I feel like I'm fighting for fate.

I know this story is a little creepy. But sadly it's true. I was not an unanswered prayer.

SO if nothing else. Have faith in your higher power people.