LFL wrote: "Haven't quite figured out how to get that point across though."
Have you tried cut and paste?
Flannel graph! It works for kids in Sunday school.
Also buy a book with pictures. Rate the acts from 1 to 10 in pencil next to the picture and also rate the frequency in times per month/year it would appeal to you.
That is 4 cheeseburgers, 2 orders of chips, 2 orders of onion rings, 3 regular Cokes, 1 root beer, and 4 packs of brown sauce.
Here's my take on the matter. As a woman mostly what you are conditioned or biologically programmed to do in order to be "pursued" sexually is "make yourself attractive" and then "signal availability/arousal". Given that you are hot as h*ll so the first isn't an issue, the more assertively you want to be pursued, the more strongly you need to signal availability/arousal without actually making yourself available. Lying passively in bed does not signal availability, shaking your tail as you walk across the room does. I mean if you think about it, Sharon Stone in her famous scene really wasn't doing anything more than looking attractive and signaling availability. So I guess what I'm suggesting is if you feel like you need or want to be pursued in order to be aroused you can probably turn your own self on with a blatant "can't catch me" or "come and get it, baby". Just recognize that you are doing it for yourself and you won't feel burned if it doesn't work for him.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Well... another option is... when the man begins to 'drop hints,' and it isn't doing for you... crawl right up on him, pin his arms above his head, and give him the deepest, smokiest kiss you can pull out of your arsenal. Nibble on his neck... stroke, play, etc., etc. And take your doggone good ole time about it, too.
Then abrubtly roll back over, and say in your best, come and get it if you dare voice, "I suppose I could be persuaded to do all kinds of things if you did to me what I just did to you."
So... maybe instead of coming right out and SAYING what you want... take charge, show him, and then ask him to give it in return. He'll come up with his own version. You're not a man, afterall.
You crack me up. Are you sure you're not a Type 8? Your "take charge" HD style really makes me think so.
The fact is, in my experience, if you do what you described in your first paragraph, many if not most men are not going to give you a chance to say what you said in your second paragraph.
Maybe I'm just being a bit contrary here but although I think it is an excellent idea to be open to the idea of teaching your partner what you like and not expecting "mind reading" and generally promoting an overall attitude of open communication and GGG behavior, a lot of guys really don't need to be taught to be sexually assertive. With some men ( I would say 1/4 of the population based on my limited and obviously biased experience)behaving in the way you described would almost be ludicrous. There's no way in hell that a guy who actually is assertive is going to let you tell him how to be assertive.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
The fact is, in my experience, if you do what you described in your first paragraph, many if not most men are not going to give you a chance to say what you said in your second paragraph... There's no way in hell that a guy who actually is assertive is going to let you tell him how to be assertive.
You are absolutely correct, most guys won't let your head hit the pillow and open your mouth to speak. They may... the first time you do it. But. That is the point. Hap and LFL wanted a man coming at them full of passion. Well... fill him up with passion. It's a great way to get your own motor running, too.
And as for the second part on an assertive guy letting a woman tell him how to be assertive... (wicked grin...)
I suppose I have found, through my own trials and tribulations of LD/HD stuff... that I am always in charge of my own sexual desire. In the midst of the initial chemical rush of new dating, it comes very easily (every pun intended). When the chemical rush wears off... well.
A few weekends ago, my bf came and stayed the weekend while the boys were at home. I dam near came unglued. For the most part, these two aspects of my life have remained separated. But when everyone was in the same house together... males do this bizarre thing... and maybe it is a natural thing... or maybe its just me... but they seem to compete for the woman's attention. Small subtle ways. Or again, it could have been me, fluctuating back and forth between gf and mommy. It was very disconcerting for me, and it was certainly taking a toll on my sex drive.
It was a very difficult weekend for me to get through. Our sexual encounters were limited because of the boys, and my mind/emotional state was split... between gf and mommy, like I said. So when we DID have an opportunity... I had to shift gears almost immediately... and though my mental frame of mind was there... the body was still apathetic. It would have been very nice if HE had taken the time to play with me, slowly, to get my crock pot warmed up to a nice hot sizzle.
But men can detect if a woman... is receptive. And if she isn't, necessarily, they may float out a question, but it has not been my experience that they will come roaring at you with full passion... for they are likely to get their ears boxed.
So... I had to think it through. I didn't FEEL like crawling up on top of him. But mentally, I knew I could get me there. I was annoyed and all disjointed because of this constant bouncing back and forth between states of gf/mommy... but I wasn't annoyed AT anyone... that is just the way it is. Although when I was married, I probably blamed my H for that feeling in my ignorance... and blamed him for something that was not his fault in any way.
So I did what I described. Even though I didn't really FEEL like it. I WANTED to be annoyed, and roll over and go to sleep. But I wanted to feel close to him more than I wanted to be annoyed, and being a previous LD person... I knew I was the only person in charge of my own destiny. So... I started humming that Doors song in my head... "C'mon on Baby, Light your fire... C'mon on Baby, Light your fire... try to set this night on... FIRE!!!!"
I was my own cheerleading squad.
I couldn't do it every night. And we talked about it. But he was cool with it, because he could tell I was switching modes all the time, and God love his heart, he said to me, "I would think that would be a very difficult thing to do. I'm not sure I could do the same." Melt my heart.
I suppose I have found, through my own trials and tribulations of LD/HD stuff... that I am always in charge of my own sexual desire. In the midst of the initial chemical rush of new dating, it comes very easily (every pun intended). When the chemical rush wears off... well.
I'm really glad that you feel like you are in charge of your sexual desire. Good on you for making the effort. I wish I were in charge of mine - lol. I think my drive must work differently than most women. I'm re-discovering my LD side lately. I think I'm sort of like a slot machine with the sex chemicals. 100 guys will put in a quarter and come up lemons because my attraction is totally negative (sad to admit the main reason being "boring") but then one will hit the jackpot and once you hit the jackpot once with me it's a sure thing from then on unless I make a rational decision not to have sex with you because my body will always say "yes" or at least "sure, why not?". I've never had the feeling of the chemicals wearing off (Even my "just sex" relationships were pretty steady-state. I never lost my purely physical attraction, I just didn't gain emotional attachment.) For me it's more like the groove gets deeper the more the record is played. I mean I pretty much had to use aversion therapy on myself in order to break my attraction to my 2bx.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
