Weirdness in the Hap household

[Crazy Eddie]

Did you know at the time that you could be persuaded? Or did you only realize that in retrospect?

To be honest, I don't know. Maybe I was just HOPING I could be persuaded. Because I really was not feeling sexual at all when he initiated.

So you didn't know whether it would work? My W isn't always sure either, and sometimes doesn't get into it like she'd hoped she would. And she knows it's not the end of the world. Most of the time she does, and she's developed confidence that just getting started will usually heat her up like she wants, and if it doesn't, there's always next time.

Did you think that if you had told him to persuade you, he would have felt pressured and done it badly? Not that that would have been a bad assumption, mind you, but perhaps that was why you just gave up at that point? Or were you not sure that you could be persuaded?

I'm sure he would have persued if I had said something and would have kept a good attitude about it. Again, this points to it being more MY issue than his. I think I must have been subconsciously fearful that I wouldn't get turned on and so I in some way blame him for not being assertive/exciting enough. That is largely BS and I am realizing that more and more. It is ME that can't seem to just let go and enjoy the act all the time. Don't get me wrong, we have been having some great sex, but every few times, I just can't seem to get my head into the game. I am honest with him about that but I still feel bad and probably put some false blame on him (inside my own head).
LFL

Missing it every few times isn't the end of the world. I think most of this will go away as you get more successes under your belt and you lose your anxieties over the whole thing.