I have been here for 10 months and it has flown by and at the same time it has stood still. I am trying to break the mold even more and let myself be who I am and be stronger than yesterday. I am working on knowing it is ok to be strong, beautiful and loving at the same time. I need to give myself permission to be Happy and to do things just for me even more.
To MY H : I love you like I have never loved another, you fill me up and make me stronger and you take me to places unseen before and I want to love you all the days of my life and you mean the world to me, you make me smile bigger , love deeper and find a greater purpose for my love. You are my beginning and my end you are who I want to lay next to all the days of my life. You make me love you when you love me the way you do...you were getting so close , so close to being who you really are. But you need more from you.
I will always love you but I have left myself once again in the dark and I need to feel the sun on my face and be me~ I need to be able to feel and think and know it is ok and it is safe and I am loved also. Not because I fit into my skinny jeans or I made a fabulous dinner,, but just because I am ~ I am beautiful, loving and kind. I want for you to open your eyes and see me.. really see the WOMAN I am~ and so I must get stronger and take care of me.. and the love will be there and I will place you above all others as always but I must take care of me .
I have been taking so much care to love you and help you get strong and peel back the layers and really love you with out holding back and now I need to put the beauty back in me. I am stripped right now, stripped of all the essence of me from working so hard for so long. I will never stop and never waiver I will love you all the days of my life but it has to be ok for me to love me and take care of me~
You yourself told me to take care of me and I always go back to putting myself last. This time and year I really commit to taking care of me while loving you and my children. Without me loving myself I cannot be the Woman and Lover and Mother I need to be! And really I am not asking for your permission cause you already gave it to me months ago,, but I am in essence giving it to myself~
1. take care of me by putting in healthy good foods 2. take care of me by getting some free time in just for me everyday. 3. take care of me by remembering I AM WORTHY~ BEAUTIFUL,STRONG,LOVING AND KIND~ 4. take care of me by getting my beauty back 5. take care of me by remembering that I have worked so hard for this and I deserve to ENJOY it~ 6. take care of me by taking time to work out daily again 7. TAKE CARE OF MY BY HONORING THE BEAUTIUFL CHILD OF GOD THAT I AM AND LOVING YOU ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE~
You answered my prayers when I knew it would take a Miracle to resurrect my MARRIAGE, now please help me to find the strength to love myself even more and not be afraid and rejoice in who I am. I find beauty in others why do I not see it in me? God help me find strength to love ......I deserve to be loved back just the way I love... a new change is coming to me and it is going to be hard but I will do this and it will be good. I will not be afraid for you will help me when I am weak and you will hold me up when I think I cannot go on another day. Loving my H is easy and my children too but loving me more than I do now , ......that is a challenge and it should not be ... enough is enough~ GOD bless....
Today I am feeling good. I am ready to kick some ***~ Thank you COG.... I am ready to be on the road to getting myself back and stop stretching myself so thin,,, I have given a lot and so much more and then some and it has been good but I need to get me back again. I was starting to get lost in the shuffle. No not starting to~ I did get lost in the shuffle. I alone put myself here and time to get busy. REAL BUSY! Have a fabulous day~ (BTW~ MY H does not read this thread the post above was a way for me to get that out and feel better~) GOD BLESS....
I was working on an awesome post just to let all my feelings out and of course my computer froze cause I have been busy all morning~ UUUUGGGGHHHH~ FUNNY and my H says I do not work~
THANKS TYLER . ~ you are a sweetheart.I do so need words of encouragement lately. Your post made me smile even more. It is so nice to know people care! GRACIAS~
I have decided that I need and my H needs more than me to be a strong take no sh*t type of WOMAN. I am not that type of Woman at all I go with the flow and rejoice in everyday however hard it may be.... So heres to working on the new me~
My H has been very sweet with me lately and also still moody. I did talk to him @ his drinking and kept it light til he is in front of me and then I will "talk " to him further about it. He needs to know how I feel and from a controlling standpoint but from a stand point of I love you and this is what I see that you need to work on. I have also decided to work on the part of me that is far too soft. He was having a real nice convo with me and contradicting everything he said a few days ago???? Then he said sometimes I can be a B***h in a joking tone,, {real funny I thought~}he wishes..... I said " HONEY YOU APPARENTLY DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD~ In ... A STRONG BUT NOT HARSH TONE. I then told him some stuff that he seems to need to know,, I also said I did not appreciate when he gets grumpy with me when he is "hungover"
He called me several times last nite to say hi and he has been "kissing my ***" some. Oh well,, I will still work on this new me I am going to have to get comfortable with. I feel like he needs me to be this "DOMINATRIX" with him. Not just in the bedroom either. Also my kids would not want to see me in that outfit but H would love it. I even told him yesterday some pretty "naughty" stuff in a very strong tone ... and he just about melted. OOOOOOOOOPSSSSSS~ Maybe this "NEW" me is far to much for him? He threw it in my face when he had his outburst that I think SEX will fix everything.... SERIOUSLY? NOW I am some sort of NYMPHOMANIAC~ COOL? I have reached my goal cause just in February I was "FRIGID"~ and he said I neede to work on my sexuality. ~WOW~ GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Like they say when you watch Mexican Soccer!
I see where I need to go and where I need to be. So I cannot always have this dominatrix outfit on ,, I think I need to mentally put it on much , much more! I need to keep getting the me back that I used to be when I felt, sexy and beautiful and strong and full of life and vitality and that I was invincible and noone could stop me. I will get there make no mistake about that and then my H will be in for a HUGE SURPRISE~ No panties at the airport will seem like nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am working really hard on me and I will do this. He "acts" very macho and then there are moments when he lets his vulnerabilty show. And for some reason some times I "pounce" on those moments and enjoy them and then there are others where it makes me uncomfortable... like he has said ILY everyday since his OUTBURST. And while I love it instead of lingering and saying ILY2 baby you mean sooo much to me....... and getting mushy I act like it is just something normal he is saying to me... is that ok? Or am I avoiding something? I just say ILY2 and start talking about something else. I have started this just this past week ,, it hurt me when he said I only have to prove myself not him.
So I am calling his bluff and if he can honestly blurt out he is done with me at at the drop of a hat. When he clearly loves me so much! ...... then I better get my Voluptuos a** in gear and get on to being the strong WOMAN I AM~ so when and if he throws it around again I do not crumble. HOT, sexy,strong and really intelligent women do not crumble they keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have so much more to post and I need to stop and be a MOM. I am enjoying this new attitude and need to strengthen it and take care of it!!!!!! GOD BLESS....
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
From the FOUR AGREEMENTS DON MIGUEL RUIZ I have read about him before but I see how this will help me so much and thought it might help others here. I am going to get this book and see if it doesnt help me. I am feeling good today and want to work on feeling even better. GOD BLESS...
+ Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
+ Your life is the manifestation of your dream; it is an art. And you can change your life anytime if you aren't enjoying the dream. Dream masters create a masterpiece of life; they control the dream by making choices.
+ Christ called it heaven, and Buddha named it nirvana. But they mean the same and what they tried to express is that experience that they had when they experienced the truth. And whoever experienced the truth, he will explain in their own way, but whoever listens, whoever is explaining the truth will understand it right away because they were there.
+ Be aware that even if you meant your words as honey, other people can turn what you said into poison.
+ You face life depending on who you believe the main character is, the way you learned to be. Your father tells you that you are this way. Your mother tells you that you are that way. And that's what you become.
+ The infinite, the absolute, is a living being and the only one living being that really exists. And we all are part of that living being. And from that point of view, the way I see the universe, the way I see God is as perfection, like only perfection exists and it's not difficult to understand at all.
+ At the present time I really have no religion at all. But I love and respect all religions and philosophies. I see how they get formed, how they grow up, and how powerful they are. But for me to believe in a specific god.. no.
+ I can tell you that we have only one mission and that is to make ourselves happy. The only way we can be happy is by being who we are.
+ Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.. the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
+ Every human is an artist. And this is the main art that we have: the creation of our story.
Well my life is always full of suprises,, my H bought me a flight to go see him for a few days and told me to get a beautiful dress. I fly out tomorrow at 6 am! I am sooooooooooooooooo excited~ I spent the whole day shopping and really could not find a thing .... found some great shoes and a simple dress~ The dresses either looked far too sexy or to young or too matronly ... I havent been to the mall in ages! I was actually overwhelmed. Ill post when I get home.... keep me in your positive thoughts~ Love and God bless, Ali
Been feeling pretty down these past few days...my marriage has been annulled for almost 2 years now, and in less that amount of time I was in a deeply meaningful R with a wonderful man I thought I could spend the rest of my life with...but now he has gone home, and I'm left with little to no hope of ever seeing him again (we're like 10,000 miles apart).
He was and still is my Miracle. It's my naive hope that whatever forces that kept bringing us together will give us another chance.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'd like to wish you luck, and extend my kudos for such a wonderful job you seem to be doing keeping it together, and staying enthusiastic.
Today I am feeling good. I am ready to kick some ***~ 
FUNNY and my H says I do not work~ 
OOOOOOOOOPSSSSSS~ Maybe this "NEW" me is far to much for him? He threw it in my face when he had his outburst that I think SEX will fix everything.... SERIOUSLY?
... I havent been to the mall in ages! I was actually overwhelmed.