Coming out of our "entitlement" ruts?

[RedHeadWife]

Sweetie, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, but like I said before, I think you need to step back and think about what you really want here. I think you are having too many expectations from H instead of just focusing on what YOU can be doing to help your M. I know this all sucks and isn't fair, but life isn't fair. Like I said over in Chrome's thread, sometimes we have to be the bigger person and be the one who puts the effort into making our M what we want it to be and not EXPECT our H to do a darn thing. If we don't EXPECT, then when they don't necessarily do anything to help, validate our feelings, etc., etc., we aren't constantly feeling let down by them or disappointed by what WE wanted or felt like THEY should be doing/saying.

Now, this all sounds great & wonderful, but I'm certainly not saying that I feel this way all the time, but this is how I'm trying to live. I'm trying to decide what I can do to make things good and not expect others to make things good for me.

As far as being a stay at home mom, the grass is always greener, trust me. I was very frustrated when I was a stay at home mom and now that I'm working full-time and pretty much have to work, I don't feel like I have enough time w/ my boys.

Let's take the spilled water for instance. These days, I would think "well, at least it was water and not red kool-aid on the carpet!!" It's kind of like the old "don't cry over spilled milk" thing. Yes, it's frustrating, but if you just kind of think "whatever" and move on, you don't have to get mad, frustrated, ruin your day type stuff. Same w/ the coffee deal.

You also need to keep in mind (and guys don't be taking offense here) that our H's think differently than we do. Your H is not going to be all lovey-dovey w/ you when you get all pissed off b/c son just spilled water all over the place. The way I have been thinking about stuff, with H gone all the time now, is that he is dealing w/ his own stuff right now and what is he REALLY going to be able to do about whatever it is I'm dealing w/ as far as taking care of the boys, household, etc. What am I going to gain or accomplish by whining & crying to him about that stuff?

Please don't take any of this as me trying to act "high & mighty" because I'm sure not. It's all so much easier said than done, but when we actually sit back and look at things clearly and then try to put into action what we know in our minds that we should be doing, sometimes things start going more smoothly.