I think what OT is saying about the mothering thing...is that we end up deciding FOR THEM what is okay for H to know or not know because of how we think they can handle a sitch or not. They need to feel consequences. Life isn't about us keeping them safe and away from harm.

H is going to have to learn to deal with whatever is bugging him. I would say just to let him be and when he feels like talking about it (if he does that is) then let him talk then.

I'm just wondering if his comment on "you take care of yourself" was meant like him thinking "oh no, now it's all going to go down hill from here, just like before".

I think it would be good to show him your strength thru this time with your dad, and that your not going to let this hump put you down-turn you back into the insecure person that you had turned into. (just like me too) Now of course you can show vulnerabilty as OT said, because what your dad is/has gone thru is a tough thing...but it doesn't mean you "lose" yourself...you know what I mean?

okay, gotta go, I'll talk more later...Glad your dad's thing turned out better than expected! I will pray for his health

Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."