A couple of points. Her "why should I?" question was without doubt rhetorical. She definitely wasn't looking for an answer. It's difficult to intonate aspects of conversation in writing.
Her "make an effort" comment was directed at my half-hearted approach to kissing her this morning - I'll bet the farm, the tractor, and every last freaking cow, that it wasn't in any way related to what happened earlier.
This really isn't a game right now. When it comes to intimacy, she truly doesn't want it - nor does she want me to 'pursue' her. Or at least that's how she's got me thinking.
Myabe I need a crash course in women. Because reading you guys' comments, I'm seriously beginning to doubt my ability to understand what's happening here.
All I know is that she is a completely closed book at the minute, and as far as I know, there's not anyone else on the planet right now who gets to peek inside. Not her mother, not her friends, not her family.
Having said that, we did have a "who are you/what do you want" kind of conversation about 3 weeks ago. Her replies went something like this: "I'm the most uninteresting person I know", "there's just nothing about me", "my life is nothing but kids and work", and so on, and so on.
Depression, anyone?
Now, I mentioned she just started a new job about 2 months ago, but she really doesn't like it much so she's not really putting 100% into it. It's also not one of those career-type jobs, either, where you really need to get your head down and make an impression. Also, during the week, all she does with the kids is spend half an hour or so with them when she gets in from work - I do all the school runs, mealtimes, clothes, yada, yada, yada.
So her last comment above was obviously just a bunch of hooey.
Still depression? No idea.
But sure I'm gonna keep trying - and I'm gonna have the odd slip up like this morning - but I'm starting to get tired of the fighting a fight I'm beginning to believe I can't win.
My biggest worry now is what will the kids think of me 10 years down the line when it dawns on them that I left their mother because I wasn't getting any. Which is pretty much what it sounds like.
