I think most women have certain ‘Hot spots’ that trigger their sexuality. I was married for 19 years and my X was prone to providing me lists of activities (house work, kids, etc…) that she deemed the source of the problem with her lack of desire. For the majority of our marriage sex was a 1 to 2 times per month. At one stretch 1 every 3 months.
It was always controlled by her, when she wanted it and what we did. I lacked the boundary skills or maybe communication ability to address this issue. I should of dragged her off to counseling. I did all the items on her list …. Laundry, kids, house-work, 2nd job. It never seemed enough for her and the results were disappointing. Her favorite comment was “The only time you touch me is when you want sex”. This was a 100% incorrect statement from her. I think that she used it to control me and provide validity for her rejection of me. Again, I needed a 3rd party counselor to help us. Actually, I needed someone to help me from being run all over. I was run over in all aspects of the marriage (financial, sex, kids, time)
I did not think these issues were severe enough for a divorce but apparently she did. She left me for a younger guy. After I look back on this I realize that I was controlled, manipulated and needed severe help with setting boundaries. My weakness caused her to disrespect me thus causing a lack of desire on her part. That is how I view it. Today, I am so glad to be away from her!
I have been with quite a few women prior to the X and I can say that most were very sexual but definitely wanted to control the sex. Most enjoyed the sex but had to be in the mood and rarely initated the event. A few did.
I had a girlfriend that was all about the SEX. I remember going over to her apartment and I would be watching TV in the living room and she would casually walk into the bedroom, grab a pillow, bring it into the living room and start to undress with a smile on her face. Man, was she confident and sexual! I wonder if I can find her phone number?
Green was right on track with the ‘Honeymoon’ period buy I don’t understand why most women do not want sex even if they obviously enjoy it so much once they get going. Most women can see that it keeps their man happy, their eyes from wandering. It does not make sense.
