I have always been the type of person that says "as long as it is not hurting someone" then I really don't care what others do (illegal or otherwise)
Gotcha. I'm big on self-determination as well.
Quote:
If our spouse is hurting us in some way, I think we absolutely have the right to advise them - however, there is always the right and wrong way to do things now, isn't there?
I tend to think of it as not just two options (right & wrong), but this infinite continuum of choices - which explains the difficulty I have in trying to figure out the "best" response, which can be really hard to do in the heat of the moment.
And even that can be wonky, because the relationship and personalities involved make such a difference. Couples can get so ingrained in their interactions, that both individuals run on autopilot and end up not really hearing what the other is saying. Sometimes taking a totally different step (like a 180) can interrupt the mindless dance long enough to actually break through the crust. The calm partner who is always understanding can sometimes get through via an emotional blowout and the emotional partner may move things forward by responding with calm. Harriet Lerner has written several books about the various relational "Dances" in which we all participate.
Quote:
When I say not to judge, it is more in the context of making assumptions of others, that quite often are wrong.
That's a hard one, isn't it? Perhaps I don't quite grasp the difference between an assumption and the tendency to insert the observations and interactions you have of someone else into your existing world view framework. We only have our own context with which to perceive, so I don't know how to avoid making assumptions. Just pondering aloud.
Quote:
Don Miguel Ruiz has a wonderful book, based on ancient Toltec wisdom, called the Four Agreements. They are:
(1) don't make assumptions (2) be impeccable with your words (3) don't take things personally (4) always do your best
If more people learned to live by just these four agreements, the world would be a much better place by far
I've read about this before and am heading to Amazon today to order it.
