Where I am

[RedHeadWife]

A huge thing for H and myself was the lack of my desire for sex and "taking the time" for sex and his feelings of rejection. This is HUGE and I had no idea that is how it made him feel and makes anyone, either man or woman, feel and all the other emotions that go along with that. I think that is something that really needs to be addressed w/ the LD spouse as, if they haven't experienced it, they have no idea. They just think "we're not having sex," but don't realize all the implications and feelings and emotions that go along with that and how the other person is feeling and interpreting the LD's lack of wanting sex and that intimacy.

Also, I think a lot of times what happens is not that we just get into a rut in our M, but that we just are living day to day, kind of "getting by." Having children makes such a HUGE difference in our lives and how we then define our lives and ourselves even.

Time seems to go by so fast that we all of a sudden had 3 little boys in 8 years of M and I have no clue where the time went and who I was anymore. That's the biggest part for me and probably other "mommies." All of a sudden we realize we don't know who we are anymore. We aren't that person our H married and we really don't feel like we CAN be that person any more. We are so wrapped up in trying to do the right thing by raising our children, when we are absolutely clueless about even maybe how to be a mom, that we are clueless about everything now it seems. (Of course, I'm speaking from my POV, but I think this is how a lot of women end up feeling).

We think that our main DUTY is to raise our children and don't even realize what is happening to our M or how our H is feeling in the meantime. And, as for my sitch and my H, he felt he was communicating things to me that I just obviously didn't get. A passing comment or even actions where my H felt he was helping me out and therefore I should then have more time for him were completely lost on me. An actual sit-down, "we have got to talk about serious things" and really get how we are feeling out on the table is so important.