You're not rambling. I understand exactly what you are saying. Yes, there will be many times in many R's that one person is the more "unhappy" one and will have to suck it up to be the one to do the hard work to try to change things. I don't mind being a leader in our R, in fact I think it is appropriate. But it is difficult, given that my personality prior to this was definitely NOT leader-like. I have and still am going through major personal changes at the same time I am trying to fix my M. Just about every day I do the same as Choc and escape to the bathroom to cry about things (not very manly of me, but *shrug*) so that I can put forth a more confident face to my W. Sometimes it seeps out, the sadness and anger, but I have been getting better and better at not letting it affect what I have to say, or what I have to do.
I think you have made some AWESOME personal strides and I hope that your H knows, sees, and appreciates them. I think they bode well for your future no matter what. I know improving my self-esteem (as roller coaster-y as it is) is what I needed to do regardless of the end-result of my M.
Feel free to "ramble" as much as you want.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
