Suddenly H has become HD and voila in pendulum fasion I am now feeling somewhat LD. After the sudden burst of activity and weekend of HMS X 3, about ten days has elapsed. H has come on to me most days and I have gently resisted. I don't know why. When I say I have gently resisted I just mean that I have not immediately pounced right back at him, but just kind of lay there a little bit passive, wondering where my drive has gone and waiting for him to make some more definite moves. I think I am suffering from what LFL goes through, wanting to be pursued, chased, seduced not just requested. What my H does is the equivalent of a polite request, it does not turn me on so I don't really respond to it.
The other night when this happened he just said "I can tell your tired" and turned over and dozed off. I wasn't tired but I couldn't think of how to say to him that I needed more definite action from him without it sounding like I was calling him a wimp. I think his fear of rejection is very strong, it's like he wants to pretend he didn't really want it - if he just hints and I take up the hints then great, but if he hints and I don't take up the hints he doesn't need to feel like he really meant it so he can get out of feeling rejected. But I don't think it works, each time it is a tiny rejection and it builds up the feelings of being unwanted, misunderstood and uncared for. But he is too scared to face the big full-on outright rejection he thinks he would get if I wasn't in the mood and he committed to a big full-on outright seduction. The fact is that is very unlikely to happen.
I feel a talk coming on. Suggestions would be welcome.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
