Where I am

[MJontheMend]

I did manage one small victory, she has been doing the "comfortable" clothes thing, one of which was a particularly ugly, but comfortable pair of sandals. I know its not that big a deal overall, but I figured start a "small fight" and there is less chance of it escalating too much (how's that for pop psychology). Well, the other day, after much complaining about how I was being unreasonable about her shoes, she went out and bought some that are much more feminine and enhance her beautiful figure very well. She did whine a bit about being uncomfortable, but I did see her preening quite a bit in them the other day. It is amazing the things that women just do naturally, but forget when the little ones come along. I hope I wasn't being too controlling, but I feel the end result was positive. She has talked more about going clothes shopping.

You know I had to weigh in on this issue - lol. I really think it is a difficult problem in some ways. Let's take an extreme example. Let's say the most sexually attractive outfit I could wear would be 4 inch spike heels, a tight skirt and a silk corset with my hair arranged in lightly tousled curls and my face made-up nicely. What activities can I engage in dressed like this? Can I work in my garden? Move around boxes full of books? Cook a lasagne? Hold a squirmy 30 lb. one-year-old on my hip while I chase a 3-year-old through the aisles of the grocery store? Can I even concentrate on some business paperwork-or will I naturally slip off the heels and wind a pencil into my hair and fidget in my desk chair because the skirt is confining?

Think about eras or social settings in history in which women were generally dressed very feminine much of the time. How did these women spend their days? Doing needlepoint, giving directions to the servants about any manual labor, instructing the nanny about the baby's bath, being helped up into carriages etc. A good part of the reason people dress more unisex these days is that people engage in more unisex activities these days.

OTOH,recently, I was out with a man and I was wearing high wedge heels. We decided to walk along the trail along the edge of a suburban park by the restaurant where we had drinks. I kept losing my footing and he kept having to catch me. I will admit this would have been pretty hot if I had been at all attracted to him (Actually, it was a little hot even though I wasn't attracted to him)but.....

OTOH, I was at my warehouse the other day hauling around boxes of books in the humid heat. I stopped at a drugstore on the way home to get a pop and a few other items. Of course, I run into a guy from Match who lives in my zipcode with whom I had exchanged light e-mail banter and innuendo. Did looking like a sweaty slob make me feel very sexy? No, but I can't live my life avoiding exchanging sexual innuendo with men who live in my zip-code and/or doing work that makes me look like cr*p so...


Okay, I do have a point which is relevant for you. It is true that looking sexy, feminine will make you feel more sexy, feminine and I know that you are just trying to promote that dynamic with your W for good reasons. However, there is a part of a woman's sex drive that has to do with having zest and drive for other things in life and sometimes the costume for those other things isn't conventionally sexy or feminine. So, if her ugly shoes are the shoes that she wears out in the garden or at the potter's wheel or playing softball or writing essays or while engaged in any activity where she spends time relaxing and being creative and being a person who is not necessarily either a Mommy or a wife then interfering with her ugly shoes will be interfering with her ability to have a healthy selfish sex drive.