Were you on other forums like Newcomer under a similar name during the sep or D?
Just thought I recalled seeing you there. We have met so many people in the Newcomer and Separated forums for example, that sounded like their partner was in mlc. But that is not always something we suggest since the WAS is so much like a MLCer.
Their behavior and their script are often indistinguishable. It is their early life and influences growing up that begin to tell the tale. If you start a thread, tell a little about what you think her early years were like with her parents, mostly her dad. It can be defining for later years. You will read a lot about the effect of low self esteem (visible or invisible) playing into the crisis.
Be certain that too many times people want to find something to hang on to when they are drowning. We often want to label our WAS or X as mlc since that gives hope that there is some eventual end in sight. This is not always the case. Even if you were to determine in your mind that she was/is MLC, they do not all try to return in the end.
Some will never accept the blame or return to live each day with the guilt of their own actions and damage done. Things written say that many will try to return, and that half are then rejected by the LBS. That can be for many reasons. Maybe they did too much damage that the LBS can't forgive. Maybe they stayed away in crisis too long and the LBS finally let go and moved on; perhaps to someone who hasn't destroyed them before.
The last one should be of no surprise even to the folks that support standing for the M in support of unconditional love. It can become hard to do that if the crisis consumes the M in a D and the WAS/MLCer seems to have moved on happily into their next life. We read about letting go and GAL. We preach about GAL and sometimes that will lead to moving on.
I think it is fair to say we all believe in DB basics that include GAL. Sorry to meet you here but hope you find good insight into what your X may have been going through and how to interact with her in the future.
Nice post! You know, to this day my father has never apologized to any of us for his behavior so many years ago. Needless to say my interaction with him is very limited, although I can tell a difference in him after all these years, but it seemed like a VERY long time, much more than 5 years, seemed more like 10. Anyway, my mother has still not gotten over what my dad put her through, don't know that she ever will. When someone that you love treats you badly, it leaves scars, and he never apologized or tried to come back. Funny thing is, they are both still alone after this time.
